Mistress Darkness

Since this is basically for my fanfiction activities, I thought I post an update on what I am doing.

I shouldn't be working on fanfiction - but I really got a roll right now and I feel I deserve some writing time. The lack of muse, the stress really bugged me to no end and did make my depression worse.

To make a long story short: I found some notes for my Patriot Fanfiction: Nemesis.

The story focuses on the Green Dragoons, mainly Tavington, Bordon and then Wilkins.

I already posted two chapters on ff.net of which the first scene is about the battle that Gabriel talks about when he arrives wounded as his home. Chapter 2 is then about the scene at the farm house where Tavington shots Benjamin Martin's second son, burns the farm and so on. You know it from the movie and I changed nothing - but I wrote it from the viewpoint of Tavington and Bordon.

Chapter 3 was always supposed to start with Bordon meeting Wilkins and recruiting him for the Green Dragoons. I wrote that scene years ago and missplaced it and never found it again. I had terrible writer's block for this story ever since. NOT anymore. Finally, I made it through that scene again and I am quite happy with it.

Before that I watched the first deleted scene titled "The Butcher" over and over again and wrote it for my story from Tavington and Bordon's POV. I think it might be a bit confusing to write it from both their viewpoints but I think it has it's advantages to show what is going on in their heads. It was a lot of fun, I really get the feel of those two characters and then I wanted to write a solo Bordon and decided to try that scene with Wilkins and I got into all the excitement Wilkins must have felt at first when he was offered to join the Dragoons and the words just came to me.

Now, I updated the page for that fanfiction at my fanfiction collective and now I am going to see what else I can accomplish today.

I have no words how boring this seminar actually is. We had to read this really long book and instead of talking about it, we talked about something else and not even very thoroughly. It's basically the prof asking: What do I want to her from you? Then we guess or just stare around bored. Seldom anyone figures out what he wants to hear. He does not work with our statements, he has a very clear idea and if we don't guess right he does not care how close our ideas are.

Now, he summarizes something basic and I just can not bring myself to care. It's not that I really need it.

Another stupid in class talk that everyone liked except me.

About Democracy in the class room. The fun thing is nobodoy seemed to realise that by forcing us to change around the tables, they did the exact opposite of that they were talking about. Like row seating is a sign of dictatorship *headdesk* and yet nodoby wanted to and they dictated the seating order and that was the democratic way of doing things.

Also I am still not sure what they were trying to tell me ... this is not a good way to waste my time.

So should I re-install thunderbird or contine to use my e-mails online only? The disadvantage would be that in case of connection problem I won't be able to read important mails. The upside is, I am never going to have an e-mail on my home computer and not be able to access it when I am at the university.

After an already exhausting day in the bitter cold of our old house, I came back late in the evening to witness my computer crash and burn ... *sighs*

But I fixed the problem by re-installing everything. However, it seems a few files of mine are toast. At lesat now I have much cleaner computer.

Currently my parents are here, while its nice in one way it is also very stressful in another. But hopefully all this will come to an end. The house is as good as sold and we are just heading over to pick up a few things.

Friday I will be at the university all day long so I am a bit fed up with out of schedule events taking over my time, when I am already unable to due my stuff because when I am awake my parents are constantly asking me questions (mostly mum).

As a side note I also opened up an account with dreamwidth - for fandom stuff and in light of more and more people running away from livejournal.

It's a shame people don't come here - but I am staying here.

I really like this show. It has its flaws but it got me hooked.

What I find sad is that there is not really anyone smart to talk about it. The imdb.com messageboards are so filled with people who apparantly do not watch the same show or just don't think. A lot of them re-act to one element like a bull in fight to a red towel.

One of the things they most often seem to not get is

- Dead really is dead (was stated in the show but also outside)
- If a person died in the fairytale world - they never made it to Storybrooke
(Charming was badly wounded and black out - but was never confirmed dead so it does not count)
- Graham is really dead - if he appears again it is in flashbacks in the fairytale world
- The Queen/Regina named Emma's son after the father she murdered, he is not a reincarnation
- Yes, Regina remembers who everyone is - she does however not know who Emma is
- Rumple probably does but it is not proven
- The flashbacks do not occur in chronological order - but it is obvious what preceeds what

Some theories I can understand - but others are so outrageously missing what was already established that it makes me wonder what these people are doing while watching ...

I just realised that I am still turned off the show (even though it was once my favourite).

But I also notice slight glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe with the Mary Sue from Season 6 out of the picture the writing also gets better.

Maybe the writers were purposefully writing all of her scenes as shitty as possible.

Although if that were true why beg through the canons (totally out of character btw) to please accept that awful excuse of a replacement character.

Maybe there is no way to write a Mary Sue well - and yes as untalented, unqualified she is, there is no doubt she is one.

First of all, she belongs to an organisation that she is not nearly qualified enough for. Yes, the FBI might have standards low enough to let someone as dumb as her in - but the BAU is for the best of the best.

Secondly, the embarrasing introduction episode: Our team does not need to bring her in and ask her for her experiences with her dad. They could have figured everything out by themselves.

Third of all - after her phenomenal screw up in that episode no member should have trusted her. Hotch did protest but I don't think he did strongly enough.

Next point: the complete open welcome from the rest of the team. Especially Morgan who constantly questions how fit anyone is to be in the team and then letting him beg Penelope to give her a chance. That was so out of character. For once Penelope is the most open and welcoming character nobody needs to tell her to be nice to someone. Secondly, Morgan should have said almost the exact opposite, like: "So Prentiss is gone and we are stuck with the incompetent rookie - can you find out why she is here, sugar babe?"

What was also bad: the sugar dad behaviour from Rossi. Yes, he has warmed up to team members, yes he has a weakness for woman - but he would never use a life threating situation to build up her selfesteem like he did in the final Prentiss episode of Season 6.

Last but not least: The fact that she was there to train and immediately from the beginning was part of the profile giving as if she actually had a clue. That is totally contradictory. First they pawn her off as the emotional damaged, insecure, incapable rookie that gets attached to the BAU for some strange reason (blackmail, related to Strauss?) and then after a few episodes they try and show how competent she is (which she still isn't from what I've heard and make her full agent.

I get what the bosses were thinking. Two strong female leads - we need to get rid of them and replace them with some less threating piece of male eye-candy. And surprise, surprise not only men watch the show and most men don't want some incompetent looker - they want our strong lead ladies as well.

I really want to see everything go back to normal - but I also afraid that that type of bad writing will continue despite the worst offender being removed. I guess right now I am still too pissed to dare and watch Season 7 or even try and watch the rest of SEason 6 (but maybe I should) because I feel like am hypersensitive to every flaw there is.

So I got two cds from Tarja (the ex-Nightwish singer).

My Winter Storm and What lies beneath - I have to say, anyone want to buy them?

I think if I never listen to any of these songs again I will not miss anything.

The only memorable song is her Poison-cover and that only because it is so horrible (and funny in a weird way). She has obviously no clue what the song is about, as she constantly puts emphasis on word were it really does not belong (a problem I noticed in other songs as well) and ruins the whole impact of the song this way.

Tarja plays with her voice and the songs themselves are of no consquence.

I would actually go so far as to say the results are often horrible and her voice is often hard to bear (but I made it through both). At least to me it also sounds as if she is often not really hitting the notes (but that might just be the songs or that just the pain her voices causes my ear).

Just woke up from a really sad dream.

Basically, I returned to the place where I spent my kindergarden/elementary school days. We used to have this great party with all the people from the street once a year.

In that dream the street was really run down, houses gone, people who lived there were totally apathetic of everything around them ...

The worst thing is: I know that most of the people that used to live there are gone, I don't know about the houses but when I woke up, I just felt reminded of how it will never be fun like ust that again - that makes me sad.

Not saying that I can't find something similiar again or maybe go and visit (they still have the annual party but quite different and less all age inclusive) but it won't be with people as cool as they used to be - because they don't make them like that anymore.

On top of that the dream started out with the "new" and definitely not improved Darth Maul from that book excerpt and that was so silly looking. Can't they just leave a good thing alone, does everything have to be ruined so it can be milked for money??

I am totally unbarable these days. I go from being in a good mood to being angry to sad in the blink of an eye. It's so annoying. But at least the Mitrazapin or what's it called is helping me with my sleeping problem. In fact it is working so good, I not only sleep for hours on end, I do sleep for nearly 2/3 of the day. I think I should make an appointment to talk with the doctor about it and if he thinks that the mood swings might be connected to that or if it is a result of the trip that did not happen.

On the 4th I wanted to go on a trip to the Vogelpark Walsrode with two of my best friends whom I haven't seen for some time. But instead I ended up with my car in the repair shop as it was now leaking oil like crazy.

*yawn* I'm so tired again. Which I knew a secret to keep me awake during the day and asleep at night. I think the main problem is that I am wired the other way around. I become awake during the night. Usually I sleep the deepest and longest between 7 am and 14 am. Which I did today, despite going to bed at 2 a. m.

This semester was awful stress wise. Right now I am sitting in front of two papers but I can't seem to get anything done as I got the most horrific cramps on top of my upset stomach, my sleep problems - the only thing I don't have at the moment is a headache but I got those frequently.

I really hope I manage this stuff. Got only 2,5 days left. And I haven't even properly started on one paper.

This weekend I wanted to finish my report on my time at school. Unfortunately, my rabbit lady Chase got sick and only today I can breath a bit more relieved as the operation she had went well.

Now I am under time pressure and sitting here at the university I can hardly concentrate or focus. I just want home, to fetch Chase and see her being awake and good. And also work on my report. But later. Couldn't concentrate right now anyway.

For the longest time I have avoided the Dr. Who reboot. Recently I did start to watch the show and I must say it has it moments: It's bright, colourful and has some nice ideas. BUT, most episodes lack something, it's like they are already fast and yet I feel like fast forwarding through so many scenes because they can't hold my attention.

( more about my view on the new Doctor Who reboot )

I already feared the worst when CBS cancelled JJ and made it clear they wanted to do the same with Prentiss - but you know what? It actually way worse than I imagined.

The new character the introduced is a complete moron. When Prentiss joined she needed to prove her place and her value. The new bimbo proved exactly the opposite and is let in with a hand kiss. Instead of kicking her ass back to the training course we have the characters bending over to sweet talk this utter failure of a character.

I honestly start to dislike Rossi for acting like a sugar daddy towards her. I mean honestly - Prentiss' life is in danger and he uses that as a training lesson for the mentally incapacitated Seaver. That scene was torture and and insult to fans. Not to mention the stupid comments and questions Seaver makes all the time - and then for some reason she opens her mouth when the profile is given out.

It's not that I was against a new character but please why did they had to create a Mary Sue. I have seen 5th grader write better characters than her. It just makes me sad - CM was one of the best shows ever and now I probably enjoy watching TJ Hooker more ...

Times are very stressful for me. Not much time for fun - just maybe a bit of relaxing to be able to think straight again.

Monday the second Master semester has started and I try my best and finish the master in three, so that means an enourmous work load and that I have little time to do something else. But I try, I am much healthier - although I still too much unhealthy crap - and I hope that I will get a lot of stuff done.

Too much stress can be bad but on the other hand stress always helped me get things done (unless it was emotional stress and I got plenty of that ...)

So haven't had time to update or simply forgot whenI had time so ...

Lots of bad things happened these past days, but what I want to post about today is, that I had a dream and it made feel really sad.

It crossed on two rather sour subject with me.

One part I dreamt about watching/being in a Dr. Who episode but with the sixth doctor and while itw as fun and the Master appeared, too. It made me feel soo sad because while there are still more Dr. Who Episodes coming, there won't be any with the old charme and those doctors whom I grew terribly fond of (the third, fourth, fifth and mostly number six and seven! oh yes especially number seven!!!)

And I hate mydream conciousness for casting the master with a different actor - do even my dreams have to acknowledge that I have by now seen all the episodes with Anthony Ainley as the master??

And then there was this bit about moving, ironically to the same house I had dreamt about years before. That is sooo strange - but it was if I were moving in there and I was much, much younger, too. And I was having something nice cooking in the kitchen, too *weaksmile*

I hate dreams like that, now I won't be able to sleep for hours.

I am completely and utterly besides me. I had planned to finish ebay, read my texts and maybe have time for myself on Sunday. No such things. The Swedish ass on ebay ruined my thursday, friday was ruined by my parents informing me that I need to clean the house asap becuase in less than 24 hours someone would come and have a look at it.

So no ebay done, no uni work done and total exhausting from a marathon cleaning session that also completely messed up my sleep pattern - yet again. *sighs*

I guess the only thing I can do is hope that next week will be better. Friday and possibly Thursday (1 seminar already canceled - the other maybe) so I have time to catch up. I wanted to buy a skype set - but no time. Well, I am not very keen on talking to my parents right now. My dear friends Rinoa and Anukk are the only ones I want to talk to right now.

Apart from the fact that I left my power cable at home and I still got 5 hours to go and only 1.5 hours of power left, I feel pretty optimistic.

I still got a shit load of ebay stuff to pack but I got a lot done today.

And it seems while my favourite saw character is in a bit of bad situation at the end of the movie, bute he is not dead - which is an awesome ending to itself. Means fanfiction time *gg*

Okay, the seminar is pretty boring. Why do we read a text if we got most of it as a power point presentation with an oral presentation by our lecturer. So boring.

Next seminar is cancelled for today, so I can go to the library and surf there if I feel like I can not spend all that time offline ;)

Most important, I had a great time last evening. It went on and on and I had to take the very last train home. Oh well, language change.

Ich kannte ja einiges schon von den pod casts, aber es waren auch einige neue Sachen dabei und die bekannten etwas abgeändert und oftmals sehr länger. Vorallem die längere Nachtbus des Grauens Version war Klasse, da schafft es das Kängeruh den Hackbraten für sich allein zu sichern ;)

So after all the bitching about boring seminars, this one is actually quite cool. Even though I am childfree, how children are viewed and raised over the centuries is something I find fascinating. This seminar deals with that starting from the end of the mediavel times.

I got quite a useful theme for the presentations. How nobles and especially sons of rulers were raised. Useful for fanfic and story purposes.