Mistress Darkness

My mother can be such a self-righteous bitch, instead of cleaning up her own mess, she is constantly bothering me about mine. Sometimes she is so arrogant and dumb, I just could smack her in the face right on her stupid nose.

I love being untidy, it's a sign of being free from her tyranny. Of a woman who loves a tidy room more than her daughter.

Deep down, I'm sure of it, she hates me. She wanted this perfect child who was just like her a workaholic and whose principal pleasure in life was cleaning up or looking into the garbage bin. The fact that at this point of time, she could not have my father was another thing. So probably should add, the perfect kid from the guy she could not yet have.

When did things get worse between us? When my father decided to permanently leave his wife and move in with her. At that point I was just an inconvenience.

Too late, I'm here, and she raised me to be extraordinary untidy. I can't wait to have my own flat once again, so I can be as messy as I want. I probably won't be able to invite anyone over for a year, but I guess after some time, when I enjoyed the freedom of not having some nagging bitch up my ass, I'll eventually begin to keep things tidy.

It's not that I have a general aversion against a tidy room, but cleaning up has to be something I want to do, not have to. For now looking at the untidy mess I sometimes have lying around is connected with this deeply routed feeling of relief and comfort. Although of course if everything is okay, I feel also relief, as in "aka the bitch can't complain about this". In truth if she feels like doing a little bashing, she will anyway.

I need a "I'm anything my mother doesn't like" icon, after a certain very cool Helloween song!