Mistress Darkness

... or something like that was what I said to my mother in the dream I just woke up from and that got tears streaming all over my face. What did I dream about? Where we used to live before we moved here. In other words something that is about 17 years away from now.

Back then we lived in a flat in a house much smaller than this, with our landlords living in the only other flat below us. This house was located in a street that was shaped like an U. We were somewhat at the corner of one of the bends of the U. At the very bottom was a large front yard. Now every year while we were there, there used to be a big party at one of the weekends in the summer. It was called "Siedlerfest" (Settler's Party) and involved all of the guys who lived in the street. There was a big tent set up, you could sit inside and outside. Friday afternoon everything was set up and then everyone had a huge barbeque, there was music and dance and then on Saturday there were Games for older and younger kids, but also darts and a tombola and around the early afternoon some of the guys went to fetch the dinner (which was always the same for both days) a huge pig roast with crust and to that you had sauerkraut and something else which I don't remember and never ate, either.
Yes and there was drinking, too - but not like in this village around "Schützenfest" when all the hobby marksmen get together to shoot out a new king, who then invites everyone the next day to get drunk at his home. Because on the day of the fest, almost every guy is drunk at noon already. Back then some where really drunk, too - but only around midnight. By the time most of us kids were already supposed to be in bed. But my parents knew I was not able to sleep anyway, so I was always out very late - by the time 70% were already in bed. It was really cool and probably the first time I saw my elementary school principal and teacher intoxicated *lol* I guess one of the differences is, that nobody drank hard stuff - just bear - because the goal was not to get drunk - the goal was to have fun.
Of course us, teens and kids, were up early again and long before most of the adults showed up again on sunday. It was kind of funny guessing when the guys who have been out the latest would turn up (which was always after noon *lol*). Then we ate what was left or distributed it among the us and some more games for young and old.
It probably does not sound like much, but I miss it a lot. I think as little as I care for the idiots who live in this village, as much I cared for our neighbours back then. In the dream tonight we were for some reason in our flat again, a place I sometimes dream about - mainly that we moving back in. I guess I really liked that place a lot, too. Maybe because I felt closer to my mother back then as well - you know when my father was just a guest who would stir things up but leave. It sometimes is so strange to think how attached I used to be to her, I avoided doing all things she did not thought highly about.
Maybe, I'll write to our old landlords (my parents are still friends with them) and ask for some photos to remember it by. Because I am sure by now this is illegal because tents have been deamed unsafe by German authorities. Those senile fucktards! edit: Talked to my parents who are also sad and miss it. But it turns out that while it was not held for two years because of a series of funerals and the like, it is still going on and we all agreed we would go there this summer. As former settlers we are more than welcome.
As for the tent rule that does not include private parties. So I feel still slightly sad thinking of all the people who have moved or passed away, but I really look forward to seing my former neighbours again.
Can someone please tell me why thinking about this has me in tears? I guess I am still a bit sick, because usually I don't cry that much. I am going to get a headache if this does not stop soon.