Mistress Darkness

Just came from a short walk with the dog, on the way back it started pouring, I hope that it goes on for a while and cools everything a bit down.

I'm debating if I should take something for my headache, which does not seem to go away. But I don't want to take too many painkillers (although I think I might have to anyway, I already felt a few cramps ...)

I thought I would feel better than yesterday when I would wake up this morning. Turns out I feel worse, and a lot. Decided with reluctancy to skip my last day at the uni. One of these days I still need to go and bring by an envelope for Logie Barrow, my British Social History Prof, but I loved to be there on the last lesson. He was my absolute favourite, and I adored listening to him, but this was his last teaching semester. In two years he's going to retire ...

To add to how miserable I feel, I dreamt of my grandmother, woke up and cried. As if wasn't already running out of tissues. At least shortly I need to leave the ho use and by new tempos (this time super soft with balming on top, my nose looks terrible) and some yoghurts, as I do not feel like eating much of anything.

But dutifully I went out with the dog, feed the cats and later the dog will get his meal and I will return to bed, wondering how often I have to throw Shiva out. Yes, whenever I fell asleep she would jump into bed with me. In a way it is cute, but I'm too much single to tolerate anyone beside me. On the other hand maybe I should take it as a test for the future and then snicker at my parents confusion when the dog does that with them *lol*

You know for the time being my parents keep her at night in their room, but in a small 1m x 1m toddler play pen *rollseyes* She has developed a foot fetish for me, she always tries to lick my feet.

The flu became worse, now it's my throat and I've got temperature. And two exams this evening *yeah* I'm inclined to go to the doctor's office instead. But I don't want to have to wait for the re-write takes.

And Shiva bit through my precious www-cable and I had to drive out and get a new one. I'm going to make my parents pay for it though. It's their dog.

Enough complaning, I got to put some quotes together for the first exam this evening.

After the seminar I took the blanket and the pillow I brought along out of the car and simply settled down on a spot of grass. Normally too ugly to sit (moss, crumpled leaves, earth, stuff that had fallen from the trees) but now with the blanket a nice resting place. At first I thought I could not fall asleep, but then woom ...

It was only 45 minutes, but I feel mor rested. Probably because it is also a lot cooler. Now I have about 1 hour outside with my notebook and then half an hour waiting for the course to begin, then 90 minutes of agony *gg* Okay it is not that bad, but 50 students in one room is pretty loud.

But now that I am rested, I must confess a few things, as I probably mentioned I really liked the movie The Condemned, I even wrote a long biography for my favourite character in it. Then I read a weird hurt/comfort slash story where Obi-Wan got tortured/raped by Darth Maul. Not very good, but somehow I realised that I am actually still in the mood for some darker stuff.

So I thought instead of writing only those longer plot intensive stories, I might try out just writing about one of my villains /or more/ with a little one on one towards an original female character of my creation. Sounds probably a bit weird, but I do enjoy reading that stuff.

Years ago I had some ideas about a way to re-use all those killed-off villains. They would all come out in some afterworld, somewhat like in Astrid Lindgren's The Brothers Lionheart. Just that scifi-villains would have sci-fi world, fantasy villains a fantasy world - you get the picture. Those worlds are pretty dark and some of the villains would fight each others, while others worked together.

The plot would not really be that important, just what they are doing right now as there are no good guys to fight off. One scenario in my mind deals with Darth Maul (surprise, surprise), starting with the arrest of a girl by thhere evil guys troops, because her father did not pay taxes on time. There are some sci-fi bad guys and they play some kind of strategic game (or poker) and the winner gets to have the girl for his own private amusement. *lol* not a story you could post on ff.net ...

The other idea would be McStarley from The Condemned arriving in a now world, where some Die Hard villains and the villain duo from Hard Target are running around. At first he would probably be confused about where he is and why he is alive, then he could met some unfortunate residents, before finally getting in touch with the other baddies. I think he might accept Fouchon as the boss, considering he is not cheap and has style. It would anyway be an alliance of convenience.

If this weather stays like this, I don't know how I'm supposed to manage to get through this semester. Tonight I could not sleep either. I went back to bed I think around 3.30 a.m. But woke about every half hour. My mouth felt dried out and no matter how much I drank it did not seem to be enough. Of couse after 4 a.m. I had to close the window as the birds started their concert.
I ha
I really hate birds in the summer ....

Now i hadn't had enough sleep, my eyes are burning. I feel majorly unmotivated to do anything.

Additionally as my sleep got cut short, so did my dream. Before I went to bed I watched again my favourite Moonlight episode. I dreamt about it but woke up before much of anything happened. Damn!

My lecture starts now ....

At first it was just unbearable hot - then on my way home it started to rain. Rain would not have been the worst thing, but with the rain came a complete change in the air pressure. The air became thick and simply unbearable.

I thought if I sleep it off, I won't get such a bad headache, but guess what I woke up with. *sighs* at least now it is cooler. Still let me fetch a pill and an icebag. *sighs*

So the last days I had more headaches than in the past two weeks, and today I got cramps as well. I really can't do without those! What could have been the worst thing that might have happened if I had gotten my uterus out instead of spending all those years on hormons .... less sex drive and omg soooo many pain free days, where I would not bleed through an entire set of hygene products. *sighs*

Oh well, at least now it seems like I'm awake enough to stay awake. Even though the pain has gotten worse since this morning, when I got up after 5 hours of sleep because that stupid neighbour dog kept on barking. *grr*

More fanstuff related stuff once I managed to get dressed and sort through my things.

Aparantly part of the reason why I slept so much was also the lack of sunlight! So strange, while I was in Berlin I slept like 7 hours a day and was feeling so awake and ready to do things. Tuesday morning it was cloudy and cold in the morning and instantly I felt unmotived, tired ... so I got to bed at monday evening 10 p.m. and got up at 5 a.m. then I went to bed today at 3 a.m. and got up at 9:30 a.m. ... and I am awake. I'll wonder how awake I will stay during the day as I got uni till 9 p.m. and then have to travel back, but I'm impressed how alive and active I am and how good my overall mood is.

I guess I will now ask if I can take the dog for a walk, my parents and the puppy of course are having a hard time getting her clean, she pisses and shits a lot. And before I have to put up a good sun screen, I'm scared shitless of getting skin cancer.

Also spend the night working on Eternal Hunger and have slight neck pains because of it. But I also ordered the components to re-build my computer, so that I may not have to use the notebook all the time. *woot* (and have it sent in to fix the rom-drive)

edit: Did I mention that I was just eating some noodles with chicken as my mom came up to inform me that we had a familiar dinner at noon *sighs* at least she quickly decided that she would just put my part away, so I can eat it this evening after I'm back. Usually she makes a fuzz, just as so many people, who obviously think I must be psychic to know their thoughts or the future. I only wish! Then I would play lotto and would never have to worry about anything else.

But mom looks sooo tired. I think the dog is draining the life out of them. These are the moments, I wonder how my parents think they will manage all their plans. Sometimes it seems the last good years of my father before he is in need of more intensive medical care (if lucky and he doesn't get an infarct or stroke) are close at hand. And mom seems to have aged more rapidly in the last few years, too. Having a normal conversation with her that last more than two minutes and does not deal with cleaning or garbage is impossible to have. *sighs* 90 minutes left till I have to go ...

Edit: And strange enough once the show gets rolling, all the psycho vapmires show up and begin to publicly murder. No wonder everyone things telling mortals is a bad thing/omen

This time it's chase who got an abscess. I just hope it's simliar to the one OZ got, that one healed fantastic. Then again even if the bone is damaged, there is still hope. I will now more when surgery is over, the vet moved her into his schedule today, after finishing with another patient.

I have to wait and see.


What I wanted to post yesterday was also that my mum ruined her big toe and has to go into surgery next week to have the nail it removed. So she will be mostly stuck at home, especially since she also has some problems with her heel. Funny though is that she has the same orthopedic problems with her foot which I also have. Only of course that she used to make fun of me because of it ... mom probably forgot about it when she blurted it out to me. I refrained from making any snide remarks about her walking habits or the fact how moronic it is to play tennis with a foot that is already showing warning signs. Not to mention she had a fungus growing under that nail for years (after her last surgery) *yucks*

The big difference between our feet is however that her big toes are both crooked, while with me it's the toes next to it. Otherwise it's a slight skew-, splay and flat feet for both off us, although I suppose the skew is the one that is the most noticebale part, as we still far away from having actual flat feet ;)

I hate being sick, I had to go home early yesterday and the moment I got home, I pratcially hit the bed. My stomach hurt so badly I just couldn't do anything else. Now it's 5 a.m. and I'm only up because staying in bed is pure torture. I can't lie, because my bones hurt and my stomach feels at the moment the most horrible when I lie flat.

Considering I have fever I should probably be in bed, but hopefully after staying up a little bit, I can sleep better. Swallowed a lot for my stomach (didn't help) and finally some pain killers, which don't seem to work either.

Why me? Why now?

I did not feel that hot the whole week, but today it was really bad. Headaches, stomach ache. I'm not sure it was actually a migraine, but in the end the result was the same.

Luckily I could skip the last seminar, I really needed that. On the way home, I had the feeling I would not make it and had to pull over. Even as I was lying down in my dark cold room, I felt awful. But finally I fell asleep and when I woke up I was a bit better and turned around for seconds.

Then I went shopping, called Tersha and now I feel like lying down again. *sighs*

At least this time it is only my stomach - but I really wish I felt better. I need to call my doc and make this appointment for the ultrasound and get myself a new prescription for that stomach stuff.

So I survived todays examination - just kidding it wasn't half as bad as I expected, my throat hurts a bit especially when i swallow, but I the actual thing thanks to the injection went almost unnoticed. I recall very vaguelly the part with the tube already in me, and how I was brought into the wake-up room. There I slept about an hour and then they called my brother who brought me home.

The doc only briefly told me that I got a small tear in my midriff, but it wasn't cause for alarm yet. However my stomach was a bit in uproar, but the individual test results for stuff they took out will only be available after they return from their holiday. That is after the 7th November. I got some medicine that should calm it down and I really need to loose weight to loosen the pressure the weight puts on my stomach and midrifft.

I'll see what I can do - my busy university schedule should help me. For once I hate eating at the mensa and second if I take an apple and a bread roll with me, that has little calories and is enough for the time being.