Mistress Darkness

I tried to post this yesterday, and as I am lazy, I just backpost the draft:

It seems I got the stomach flu, I already felt sick during the last days, but I thought it might have been just a migraine (awful headache and nausea) - yesterday I thought it was because I had kept myself awake with too much Pepsi and today ... oh well let me put it in a not so disgusting way, I found myself fleeing to the toilet several time.

Now I am at the uni, and I try to make it through, but if it does not get better till tomorrow, I am off to the doc and I am going to get myself a document that I am sick - I already have the feeling my profs are going to hate me for it.

But I hope it might just be a temporary temper tandrum of my digestive system and that I am going to feel just fine tomorrow. But I still got an awful lot to do ...

I feel somewhat undignified.

Hmm, I am sitting here and contemplating whether I should take my notebook along or if I should just go without. I probably should spent my free time reading, but unfortunately I don't really feel like it.

I am so not in the mood for all three lectures/seminars today. Just one week till the next history exam. I need to go to the library and copy texts. Well, I should get dressed.

As soon as I am home, I probably go to bed straight away, have already been up two hours. At least during my time in school I am going to have a relatively normal rhythm. Up at 6 a.m. home by 3 p.m. (if I am lucky) ... I should be able to get used to that.

... but apparantly I passed the exam. I just found a note in our internal course website, that the date for the re-sit is the 29th and all those who have not passed have been informed.

I received no e-mail or other notification. So that should I mean I have passed.

It is in my nature to angst about the "prof" having made a mistake, forgot to include me in the e-mail or that the e-mail got lost ... but part of me feels so deleriously happy that I feel slightly nauseous!

This is one of the moments that feels almost to good to be true!

More good news would be that the "prof" in this course is also the one who will hold the lecture of the Middle Ages Modul that I have to repeat next semester. Which is such a relief, because the other prof and all her date learning and detail hopping without ever giving a true idea about the time she was talking about, nearly got me to change subjects. When in fact I do enjoy history and those seminars otherwise.

Early Modern and Ancients times are pure stress but sooo interesting at the same time! If I were rich, I would spent my entire life at the university and just learn ...

Heh, this seminar is actually proving to be useful and fun! So while I went in bitter and annoyed I come out relaxed and enjoyed. Positive development, I got a good deal of sleep, so hopefully that means when I get home later on, I have some time to be creative, I long to make a few more icons and/or write a bit on the POTC fanfic.

Yeah, got up extremly early, because I could not sleep anymore, after going straight to bed when I returned from the uni at about 8 p.m. ... Then with a few interruptions I slept till about 3 a.m.

Baked a few muffins and a pie and now I am waiting for the tea to be ready so I can fill it in a bottle and go ...

Hopefully the gal who is running the show does not mind us using notebooks - cause I packed mine! So maybe I write more boring entries here later on!

Okay, so the questions were not that hard, but I always seem to find the wrong words even when I am sure that I know what I should explain. So I am super edgy and feel extremly nauseous.

I left my notebook at home today, because I need to read so much - so for the time being I am at a computer in the library where I copied a text for the other exam in two weeks and two hours. *sighs*

So now I will go downstairs and rent two books that I signed up for and then see how much it will cost to copy another text for a book report and/or get some energy drinks as I barely slept. Insomonia is worse than ever with me, but I think it might be stress related - too many worries about my future and too little relaxing via fanstuff.

Okay, now to check my dev account and then off to face real life. But please wish me luck that I found the right words to represent the meaning in my head when I sat down and wrote that exam just now ... (or is the word test?)

Oh well, Miss Horst is late - but just now I saw her, so I can't make this long ... hmm she brought someone along who is presenting something. (Someone who wants to sell us something ...)

Oh well, I feel slightly better about today. I am going to use the seminars to be productive by preparing my 10 min talk (I got an idea, but I need to outline it and then at home I need to practice it, so it will be no longer than 10 minutes.)

I also brought my texts for the exam with me, so I can read when things get really boring ...

to have my in-class talk tomorrow, but I mix something up and then I go on focusing on my history exam with the sweet knowledge that I have completed the assignment. The weekend will be horror enough with the seminar and all that - but I think it would be wise to skip the Monday afterwards, I was wise enough to have one only missed one, so I can use it to relax my nerves later on. To be precise I could skip the Tuesday as well, but I like it far too much.

Oh well the only bad thing Is I have to stay longer this Tuesday, because I want to get a letter of recommendation from a prof for my semester abroad.

Now for some tea and a bit of resting in bed before I have to get dressed and go, as I need to go a bit earlier and could not have slept more than a couple of hours thanks to my leaking uterus. It is annoying how that piece of junk can botch things up for me. At least I had a semi cool dream, that had something to do with Agent Smith. Very hard to describe it was not really the Matrix and he had not the same function, but it was close - if at all he was less loathing towards our species (not that I ever have hold that against him) *lol*

I haven`t talked about my New Year Resolutions here, as I haven`t update much since the New Year began. Mainly because I had to give two in-class-talks around the 5th and I have been working on them from the 2nd to the very last minute ;)

Followed by a phase of totally slacking off - but I needed it. I still got so much to do, and this way I could refill my energies.

I only have one resolution and that would be to take better care of myself.

That opens the door to a whole lot of things, but unlike in previous years, there is no concrete failure treshhold. Like when you say, you want to lose weight and it does not happen through January and then you forget about it.

This way, if I eat less on two days, eat better in general, go out for a walk more often, brush my teeth more often, moisturize my skin 3 instead of one time per week etc I am already doing it. I feel it is more encouraging and might bring some more results.

So now to head off into the dreaded weekend. I got the in-class essay prepared, I got the plan printed out, I have the monolingual dictionary and now I just need to pack, comb my hair and leave.

BUT I do not want to - I want to stay home and relax in front of my computer. But it has to wait till Monday. C'est la vie!

Despite the six books we had to read, I though "Slavery in writing" might be an interesting seminar, partly because it deals with historic contents ...

Now we constantly get secondary literature showed up our ass and even another book we have to copy, so we can write a paper about it. Lie I haven't got enough work and reading material. But what pisses me off most is that it was supposed to be a seminar, us having a discussion about the books we read. Instead it turns more and more into a lecture - the prof is talking almost all of the times and today, she flat out declared it is going to be a lecture.

I'm glad when I am home. I'm so fed up ...

Today O came by and dropped a shitload of DVDs with me, like movie trilogies, single movies, the first Dr. Who episodes which seem to be in black and white, and the entire Millenium series! *wow*

I can't wait for the break to have time to watch all of this.

Just participated in a really stupid post-simulation survery ... how annoying. Really truly, they asked about three positive and negative aspects about some OPUSi thing that I never heard about before, I mean shit, I thought we used some software named moodle?

At 6 p.m. he left and I slept till 11:30 p.m. as I have to get up at 8 a.m. I will not stay up much longer, but I will sort through some of my copies and notes for the history classes.

Okay, let me summarize (mostly for myself as a reminder but maybe someone on my f-list is a bit curious as well) my workload for this semester.
( cut due to the length of the list )

Okay, time to work on the plan for CBIS ....

I'm still sitting at the uni, despite my tutorium being over, but I wouldnot have caught the train anyway, so I decided to spend some time with my notebook.

Rediscovered one of my favourite songs, who is not available on any CD last time I looked on youtube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUHJLcnh8nc

I think listening to it, inspired a really cool dream, which I already worked over into a concept for a story, not sure what it will be. A romance? A thriller? Horror?

Features a guy who has been screwed up in a medical experiment and who has traits of both vampire and werewolf, but is actually neither. But I thought I start where the dream begins, him being in a realtively nice enviroment, between two women, one that he desires and one that is his "wife". The later insist that he needs her, but he distrust her and does not like her, he remembers only part of what happened to him and has no clue anymore what he can be capable off ...

I think it's the first story, where actually the guy is the main protagonists, although of course one of the girls will also be very, very important. Guess which one?

Oh well time to pack the notebook and head to the restrooms ...

The day started with me waking up from a really cool dream, I don't remember all the details, but it was awesome.

In the dream (which started at my home just with a different family) was about me, being visited by some vampire lord who lived in a castle not far from our house. It was obviously somewhat in the past, as there were no phones etc, despite it being the house from the looks and layout. My family were obviously vampire hunters and saved me.
Dream I and myself seemed to agree that the vampire was the better choice compared to the family she was staying with and the vampire and my dreamself developed a plan and faked the vampire's demise.
Then we moved in his castle and from there we planned to get rid of my dreamselves family. Naturally I woke up as things were set into motionn, but it set my mood for the day.

Still, the seminar has too many weak spots to truly exite me. I wish the girl who is giving it would not always wait so long for someone to answer. Oh well ...

... the tutorials are so boring and the history seminars in a way, too. The first one about Marc Aurel is kind of cool, but has it's drawn out moments, the second one seems to consist of these moments. It's annoying to wait for the teacher to go on, sometimes they ask questions and you got no clue what they want. Sometimes it is something abstract, sometimes it is something very obvious (so obvious that you feel stupid for saying it). But they wait and wait ...

Oh well, my stomach demands food and the only thing that keeps me from falling asleep.I hope I can get off early and catch the early train. But I am afraid more waiting lies ahead.

Yesterday I was fully aware of the fact that we have now winter time ... but I forgot to actually change the time on my clocks.

I got up early today and spend some time working on the computer, then however I decided to fetch some breakfast and after that I felt a bit tired ... so just dozed a bit on the sofa. My computer turned off and I looked at the digital clock behind it. I saw it was time to leave. So I quickly put on all my stuff, got to the train, arrived very early in the classroom, turned on my notebook and saw the real time. *sighs*

I went off one hour too early. *headesk* Sometimes I am sooo dumb.

If that wasn't bad enough, my throat hurts from acid reflux and I haven't taken the meds with me. I suppose as soon as the tutorial is over (I already completed the first seminar "Marc Aurel") I will see if the shop is still open and get something to eat that hopefully helps with the icky and uncomfortable feeling in my throat.

Note to myself: Sew that new handbag and put your meds in, stupid bint!

Today, I get up early, being a good girl, after having spend most of my free time doing homework. What do I get for it? I arrive and have to discover that the lecture is cancelled because the woman giving it is sick. Great, now I have to, sit around here and wait till 1 a.m. when my next lesson starts.

Oh well at least, I brought my notebook, while typing is a pain in the ass with that fucked up touchpad (if I have to work more often with it, I might even end up making a new hatelisting) constantly making the cursor jump while I am typing. But at least I can do something. Wished however that I brought one of the books I have to read. Too bad, we don't have lockers, so I can bring a keyboard and keep it here.

... not the ideal basis for a nice day at the uni. However I just found my ibuprofen, so maybe it will get better.

Normally I have later, but I got to see a certain teacher about missing grades for the module and so I have to show up with all the assignments and prove that I did do them.

Then I have two hours to spare, where I will copy stuff in the library and then I have my seminars. I don't really feel like it, but I go there by car, so hopefully, I get home early. Now I just need to check upon the rooms.

Unless, I overlooked something I will take part in the following courses:

Monday
15:00 - 18:00	Marc Aurel (seminar part of my "ancient world" modul)
18:00 - 21:00	Krieg der Worte: Feindbilder im Europa der Frühen Neuzeit War of the Words: Concepts of the Enemy in Europe in early modern times (seminar part of my "european history" modul)
Tuesday
15:00-17:00	Democratic Thought through Language (Part of the "Democratic Thought" Modul*)
17:00-19:00	Content-based Integrated Skills 1f
Wednesday
8:00-10:00	Englischunterricht: Konzeptionen und Grundlagen
Thursday
10:00-12:00	Internationale Beziehungen im 17. Jahrhundert International Relationships in the 17th Century (lecture part of my "european history" modul)
13:00-15:00	Alleinherschaft im Altertum Autarchy in the ancient world (lecture part of my "ancient world" modul)
15:00-17:00	Slavery and Writing (winter part of a modul~)
Friday
15:00-17:00	Content-based Integrated Skills 2f
17:00-19:00	Democratic Thought through Literature (Part of the "Democratic Thought" Modul*)

~I have to take another course in the summer semester 2009 to complete this modul
* I need to take a third seminar in the summer semester 2009 to complete this modul

Somehow Wednesday sticks out in an annoying way, but at least it is the only course for the day!
I'm so happy that I got the Content-based Intergrated Skills Course I wanted. The only other course I could have taken would have been with Mr. Hyde, and while he has cute accent, I've begun to suspect that he is some sort of fundie and one of the courses would have been Friday at 8 a.m. and that would have sucked.