Mistress Darkness

Wow how fast time passes. There is so much I wanted to do besides you know studying - but somehow with the flu and catching up I ended doing almost nothing. I guess I just need to focus for the remaining days.

I need to search for literature for my history term paper for my home university, I need to finish the final Essay for the Austen course, I need to work through the Foundation of Grammar terms to be able to write the test in week 10 and I also have a final exercise to hand in. Then one last assignment for Semantics in Week 10.

However, I want to work a bit on fanlistings and Maratofel as well. I guess, I go by a this for that system. For every real work I do, I do a bit of fun stuff.

Today, I start with cleaning up the place a bit, bringing away bottles to the recyling container, wash my laundry and also type up a few things, so I do not need to bring the papers back with me.

... and got myself a pizza, the event was fairly expensive as I also needed grated cheese to avoid the thing becoming an oversized cracker. However, ordering one would have been even more expensive.

I cannot wait till I am back home. I just have to try and not eat everything good I missed at once. Like a real pizza, this one was barely adequate but at least it stopped my kraving for the time being.

Otherwise I am a bit behind with my assignments, mainly the paper I have to end in at the end of this month :( But it is not something complicated to write just time consuming.

Now that I have solved my not so urgent problems, I might have time to finish it. What are my not so urgent problems? Well, I need to figure out what to do about my extra weight when I travel back in December. I still want to go to the second hand book shops and see what I can find and that will amount to tons of extra weight. Especiall considering the orders I made via amazon.co.uk so far.

I bought two Games equaling 2 ordinary DVD cases with one single DVD, the Ultimate Bourne Colleciton three ordinary DVD cases with one DVD. I got the three Sidney Sheldon books from ASDA, then there are the Austen books I brought with me (those alone weigh 1,2 kgs) and I ordered more today: 2 old movies and the Bloodties DVD set. Althoughn if they still can get it another movie. It is free of charge but of course I do have to think about the extra weight. If I take 2 kgs more with me I am over the limit and I can only store it in my hand luggage to begin with. *sighs*

But then again I also leave something things behind and if necessary even the big 1 kg towel. I guess maybe I do not need to sent a package - but if I do, then I will only if I have over 2 kgs otherwise I just pay the extra fee at ryan air and have it all with me. It is not that bad here, but I guess that I think about the day I return constantly is a sign that I am not that amazed (except maybe by the no delivery charge from amazon ;)

I handed in my essay and the paper on time - I think the essay even turned out rather good.

Sunday I am going to meet Tersha, and tomorrow I am going to relax.

Monday I have to drive my parents to the airport and then I have to take care of the dog. Not to bad, gives me are more relaxed enviroment to manage my time in between working on what I want to - fanstuff and what I do not want to - my history term paper.

I think I conclude the evening by extensively playing Torment, one of the most awesome computer games ever made!

idolizer I miss you! Hope you have a good time, but I will be glad when you are back and online. I guess now I know how it is when I abstain from posting for longer. Internet presence is not just a term - you actually feel it if a person is online regularly.

Yesterday mom makes a big deal out of asking me to get up at 10 a.m. in order to sit downstairs and wait for the arrival of UPS. I do not mind, because making sure those suckers meet someone if they finally bother to deliver the traveling box for our dog, is a good thing. If there is no delivery today - I am stuck with the dumb dog and I so do not need that!

Fuck leave it to organise something to my parents - at one time they were awesome at it, right now ... they need over a month to organise some stupid traveling box for our dog.

Here is the real kicker: I get downstairs, set down my notebook etc - suddenly mom comes in and says: "Oh no, you can not sit here - your father is having a meeting with some guys from the traffic commitee."

She is had forgotten about it and right now the whole thing is unneccassary because my father is there and sees the car if it should pull up.

I am going to cool down by playing with my online e-mail account. I try and not use thunderbird anymore, not because I do not like it, but because it is true that e-mails do distract one terribly. I get the notification that an e-mail arrives and I have to force myself not to reply instantly. This can not go on. Better I log in and see if something is there, when I got time.

Not to mention I love the Strato Communicator! It is sort of like an online Outlook.
http://communicator.strato.de

My biggest problem is my time management. It simply sucks. I wasted too much time on the weekends, getting distracted by computer games and fan stuff. It is not even that I get that much done on the fanstuff part. I do this, then I get up and clean the kitchen, then I abandon that to do something else, then I go back to the computer, but not to fanstuff, no I read some posts, then I remember the kitchen ...

Oh well, now I got to finish this presentation, write a term paper urgently and learn for an exam. The presentation is next wednesday, the paper needs to be handed in on the 30th, the exam is on the 1st July. I remember there is also an essay and an oral presentation for the week after the 1st July.

At least the weight loss is going fairly well. I have had no lapses so far, I eat what I want just in sensible measures with regards to the right distribution of proteins, carbonates and fat. I have now nearly lost 10 kgs.

What I really want to do is work on my existing fanlistings and after I re-model two, I want to apply for my favourite Farscape character, maybe my second favourite as well.

I also want to hunt down a beta-reader for my Bond/Le Chiffre Story and continue with my other fanfictions - does not really matter which as long as I get something done! Planning stuff in my head is good fun - it is just frustrating to get nothing done. Not to mention it is impossible to find reliable betas. I hope the fact that the Bond one is a slash story, I'll find someone.

Right now I am waiting for a fellow student, I need to give her back her book - but she is in a seminar and will catch up with me afterwards. It would not be so much of a problem, if I wasn`t so hungry. At least my next seminar will start quarter past five so I do not have to wait that long.

We got the results of the exam last week and I passed. Now I just need to focus on the other exam regarding the medieval seminar. Still lots of stuff to do and read, worst of all is the damn paper I now I really need to work on, I have to hand it in on the 30th May and I can not fail.

Means I really have to get my shit together and not let myself be distracted too much with fanstuff, just a little bit to keep going. If I do not do anything fannish at all, I wither and die mentally.

This weekend just did not work out the way I had hoped for ... today I wanted to work concentrated on my uni stuff and what happens? Mum throws me out of the bad after I had just barely gotten 3 hours of sleep asking me to drive Anna around. As a result I stagger to bed an hour later and before I know it a bunch of handyman start breaking the wall in the room below apart as we got a leak. So I try the best I can to catch any sleep and get up at 3 p.m. feeling totally beaten from all the noise.

At least I managed to do something, hopefully a bit more ... I will just take a little nap. Hopefully!

So I spend the past days with unistuff and screencapping Farscape Episodes (the online page has not enough per episode). No wonder I had a cute little dream involving my two favourite Farscape characters :D

If I did not had my period and the slightly moody / uncomfortable feeling this might actually turn out as a good day. As far as I am concerned I take the day off and do just fanstuff. Tomorrow I will devote to my Russian History seminar and Sunday to may Middleages one. Unless I feel more like middleages tomorrow or today ;)

So I bring you up to speed what my life was about so far: Eating.

Seriously, after I finally got the click, I re-thought my eating habits and modified them. At the beginning of this month my weight was 135 kg and that is as you can guess way too much. But I guess I did not want to see it and always believed I would get rid of it somehow.

I think I already posted about founding a support group but I do not need it. The new eating habits leaving me often so stuffed that I can not even manage to eat what I should consume to give my body enough to go on without going into super saving mode. My stomach is a bit of a problem and the fact that I am used to eat a lot at once, sometimes even go to bed afterwards, and then not eat anything for hours.

Today was such a day, I filled my quota for friday by eating very late some fish with pasta in tomato sauce and right now I am only up to 600 large kalories. But the good news is, I lost over 6 kg already! I probably won't go down so fast in the overall process but if I only lose 4kg a month, by the time my semester abroad begins I will weigh about 110 kg and fit into more of my long abandonned clothes in the back of my wardrobe.

Maybe they even have some nice sport options on the campus in the University of Sussex, like swimming. I was so sad yesterday when I realised I don't get students savings on the card for the Ronolulu, which is the only option to swim here all year long. It is more of a family and fun bath and finding 30 minutes to swim in peace is only possible in the early hours of the day in the first place. So it is just too expensive, even if I manage to get fit enough to take the bike there. Why doesn't anyone open a swimming pool just for people who want to swim, take a shower and go their merry way? Why the fuck do they close at 8 p.m.? Why even sooner on weekends?

On Tuesday I am having another exam so I have to learn, when in fact I'd rather indulge in my newest obsession relating some Farscape characters ... oh well real life first, fun later.

Okay, if you are remotely interested in my ramblings about my eating and weight issues, you will find them at healthy_diet.

I already talked about about my problems and my new found resolve. Mainly I want to focus on controlling my eating habits - if you want to improve your eating and/or work on your weight, then you are of course welcome to join. I just want a little statement before you join, so I know you are not a troll or have other malicious intentions.

So bascially the last week was awful and yet not that bad.

I felt moody all week and did not get around to do as much for the university as I should. Although I still felt okay and thought I might use Thuesday afternoon to catch up. Wrong, first I got a bad headache, then I took something and my stomach began hurting so bad I skipped several seminars on wednesday. (Good news is, I later found out the first one I skipped was cancelled anyway and in the other one, the prof was also sick and we only heard the in-class talks of other students and called it a day).

Thursday I was not feeling much better, I made it through the first three hour seminar and then I had four hours free time and after 90 minutes I felt a bad headache coming up and with my upset stomach and no place at the uni, to sit calmly and try to see if that makes it better I went home.

On friday I felt moody and did nothing at all - bad plan, but I felt it was my free day. I workedon fanlistings, listened to "Gabriel Burns" a German audio play series and thought on Saturday I could get to work on stuff (apart from the fact that I cooked dinner and ate with my father because I felt he needed something to cheer him up). But in the night I got so awful cramps, worse than anything I had in the last 12 month at least. I still feel more pain than usual. It is almost like when I was a teenager and my menstruation run amok. So I slept alot and stayed awake till 4 a.m. tonight making icons for Casino Royale.

I also booked the ticket for Berlin, after finally getting a hold of my brother who said fetching me from the train station on Monday evening will be no problem.

Now, I still got 1,5 days to do something - however, I also greatly occupied with a heavy problem that keeps bugging me tremendously. My weight ... but I will not rant on it here. I decided to make up a new community, where I might find likeminded people who also want to talk about their problems.

2,5 hours ... well not really I still have to drive home. Luckily next week I got only the first seminar so I can go home early instead of hanging out form 12:45 till 17:15 waiting till "Theatre of the Absurd" begins.

At least I got some sleep and copied the entire texts for the Moskau seminar. I just need to prep the papers a bit and maybe re-work one of the texts which is almost impossible to read and then I can bind it in the copy shop! *yeah* no more collecting papers.

I also gathered some info for the next in-class talk - all the materials we were supposed to get from the library are taken. Typical for our lectors and profs not to put them on hold for the duration of the semester. I will have to e-mail him later about it. The guy I was supposed to meet did not show up at the library.

Although, I am so fat, I think I gained at least 10 pounds to my already considerable weight. I look so hideous. Not just the fat, I have not taken care of myself lately. I need to change that. Yesterday I eat way too much, but I needed the last big meal to be able to sleep. Full stomach always works as a knock-out bomb. I slept almost 6 hours before I spend the last two hours tossing and turning.

But I feel better - so maybe I can start to exercise a bit again. haha, but not today - I want my bed ...

edit to add: I did not get the Barbossa fanlisting, not much of a surprise and hardly a reason to feel sad, with three wishlister approvals lately, still I hated to find out about it by seeing the moved post.


Now, also if you see this and got a spare minute, please click on my dragons, new eggs are out and I am really low on clicks.

Okay, I have been a bit uncommunicative and it is because the weekend was not as productive as it could have been, somehow good start burned me out and the fact that I had to attend something on Monday, was not really helping along. So I still got tons to read for tomorrow and later today, feel like I can not wait till it is Thursday evening.

Then hopefully at the weekend, I'll be able to catch up with some friends via telephone or messenger. I just was not up to it during the past days.

Okay, time to move - I got a seminar at the end of campus (where there is no internet)

So, after much debate and stress, I got the Mercedes of my parents for Friday evening till noon on Saturday. Tersha needed shelves for her new apartment and now that I got more time I of course wanted to do it with her.

After we were on the road things went down rather smoothely. IKEA is open till 10 p.m. and we started out shortly before 8 p.m. giving us ample time. The online information said Tersha's favourite colour choice was not available, but in fact it was. Three silver Billy shelves and a Benno in silver for CDs.

Those suckers are heavy! Her stairs are so narrow that I convinced her to drop it in the 1st floor and then open the packages there and carry the stuff in parts up. (The first floor is the stairs and a narrow space that leads to the trash cans as the rest of it belongs to a shop, the main flat is on the second and third floor).

As there are no neighbours to speak of, we assembled the shelves right afterwards. Burned a lot of calories this way :D Afterwards Tersha went to bed and I started sorting some of her books. There are more boxes with them upstairs which I did not feel like carrying down. It was really fun.

For myself I bought three little mice, some glasses for spices and more carpets for my bunnies. I used the glasses as an opportunity to clean out one of my kitchen cupboards and realised I got lots of space in that one. I guess I really do not need that big of a kitchen.

Tomorrow I shall clean up more. Right now I want to chill a bit on the PC and then I will continue with reading stuff for the university and making reading lists for my modules. After all I want to get a good head start, so I can visit Berlin next month on one of my long weekends!

Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I have ordered a new rucksack. My old one is now over 10 years old and I expect my notebook to drop out any second. The new one is a real notebook rucksack with special compartments for the notebook and the cables, but with enough room for my other materials and a net at the side for a bottle. That was probably the most annyoing thing about my old one - that the bottle barely fit in with the rest.

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It was not even half as expensive as the ones they sell at the shop here in the uni (the current cushion map I have cost me the same without the shipping cost).

Also, I am so tired I could fall asleep and I am mad at myself for buying salted peanuts when I got hungry. I ate my snacks from the bakery to fast ... and I am still hungry. I guess I will buy some more unhealty stuff at the station. Like french fries and Currywurst or maybe Döner.

Not really sure if I am happy about the new weather. I guess I have to adjust to it. Yeah long time an no update.

So my birthday party was rather cool. We watched Wild Hogs and had much fun (ate pizza and so while watching) then we continued with Blade the Series. I was right in my assumption that they would like it. It's on a totally different level than the movies. I was a bit surprised about O hating the villain so much, but then again he said, that is what it is supposed to be. I guess with me nearly always liking the villain more than the hero, I completely forgot. Did not tell him though that he will survive the entire series *haha*

Next morning we consumed more unhealthy junk and then watched a few episodes of Reaper before I had to drive home for the family raclette. That was nice too, I just felt soo stuffed. I relaxed the next day and just did funstuff (mostly for fanlsitings). The rest of the weekend my circulation went crazy, thanks to the weather. So instead of having lots of time to prepare my in-class talk on Tuesday I had almost none. Still, I managed (although less than agreeable in my view) and now we have Wednesday.

Lessons from 10 a.m. till 9 p.m. , which means getting up at 8 a.m. to catcht he train at 9:08 a.m. train back is at 9:28 p.m. - so I will be home shortly after ten. Right now I got free time, from 3 p.m. till 5 p.m. and used part of it to copy more materials in the library (the air in that room is awful, hot, stinky and little oxygen). Now I am sitting in the main building for humanities and will have to read another text for the next course.

I post my schedule in table form later this week. I just wanted to update before I forget.

The re-arranging of my room is nearly done. Not everything worked out exactly as I planned but then again I just calculated with guessed sizes and all in all it fits rather well. I got a bit more space and after I sorted everything out I will have the most important stuff within close reach (Thesaurus, Oxford Advanced Dictionary, Duden etc.) plus everything else that I was sitting close to before ;)

But I did tore something in my neck or back and it still hurts a bit and prevented me from sleeping much. As I have to go to the university later on, I will hop to bed once again and then see that I get up in 4 hours. Once I am back, I will have to deal with the kitchen and the rest of my stuff. After that it is fanlisting time!

I applied late on the 31st March for two Babylon 5 related fanlistings and what do I find in my inbox when I got up today? Yeah, the approvals - that was fast!

Instead of going right on with working on my fanlistings, I decided to give in and actually change the way my room is organized once more. Just one corner, as I do not want to make the rabbit kennel smaller. The more space the better - even if they are just three little buggers ;) But I want to re-do the area with my desks and the sofa.

One of the desks will go into my bedroom and the shelf from the guestroom will hold printer ... so I need only one desk. I hope to gain a lot more space that way and make my actual living and working area bigger. Maybe I even post pics, haven't used my camera in a long time so I probably have to re-load the batteries.

I hope I can finish it all today and then go on making screen caps for the new fanlistings.

Whenever I feel a bit unhappy with the way things go, I get ideas how to re-organise the furniture in my room. *sighs* I should be working on those papers, but no my constantly travel to "hmm maybe I could put them like this ..."

It is driving me nuts.

Yeah, I felt a bit strange all day, finished my paper handed it in (now I find out I could have sent it via mail *headdesk*) then ate something and went to bed so I could get up later and clean the kitchen and my room to start tomorrow on my history papers.

Instead, I feel hot, my whole boy aches and I wonder how long it will take till my nose starts running again (my throat is still sore, so no surprise there)

So I am going to make myself some tea, take a ibuprofen, smear myself with vick and hope this passes quickly.

And for my 30th next month I got one wish: health. Please? Can I have some of that?