Mistress Darkness

I can`t believe that I am re-acting so overly emotional to the results of a test. I am shaking, blushing and my hands are sweating (more than they did before). My eyes are bit wet ... but I passed. I feel so relieved, I barely passed but I did. OMG! Now I got to write two papers and then I just need one more seminar with less workload in semester 6.

I feel like dancing *lol*

In a few minutes my "weekend"-seminar should start. I am in no mood for it but I need the credits. I would prefer to continue working on my term paper but instead I will be sitting here today and also tomorrow.

Got a major reprieve today in the Russian history seminar - those excerpts we have to hand in for the texts we read have gotten an extended deadline. 30th September!

My biggest problem is the source work for the term paper - but I guess I will cross check with my German translation - the old English writing is not only hard to decipher the priting is shitty as it is reproduction of the original! I probably have to scan in some parts, so you might end up seeing a pic and see it for yourself.

But I got a good feeling about this paper. I am going to pass!

... but no need. The University of Sussex is just like any other Uni I have heard about. If they mean they will sent info in June, it never refers to the beginning of the month *lol*

Just saw the e-mail that the stuff is on the way. *isexcited*

More good news are, I have to hand in my reading journal and essay for the Language Acquisition on the 15th, the reflective essay is due at the end of July and so is my oral presentation (definite date the 23rd July).

The only immediate source of trouble is the term paper for my early modern times module and the middleages exam on the 1st July. More of a minor annoyance is the English listening comprehension test on the following weekend. Not going to do anything about that one, I listen to so many English movies and tv-shows I should have no problem with Cambridge English.

Thinking about the fact that there is no dog at home to be taken care off, I feel incredibly motivated to get my shit together and spend the entire weekend with productive stuff.

Hell, at the moment I feel so positive all the time, that I feel almost bad about it. Yesterday I had the worst cravings for chips and what did I do about it? Succesfully passed up my favourite chips in the world for radish (Radieschen)! *lol* I went to Penny with every intention to buy junk food (Smurf winegummies came to mind, too) and all I ended up with was some Schwip Schwap ohne Zucker (the pepsi version of Mezzo Mix Zero), radish, carrots with green stuff for the rabbits, a cheap tupperware like box for toast (always wanted some) and fruits (Nektarinen - no clue what the English word is).

I also realised that I can take off Tuesday and Wednesday morning to learn more for the exam - hell no parents who would complain. Just me a mature adult making the decision to use time I am allowed to miss productively to achieve a goal. The only drawback is this stupid seminar Thursday evenign and Friday from 10 a.m. till 4 p.m. Hopefully I can take some stuff along that I can do - although I fear it will be very activity based.

My biggest problem is my time management. It simply sucks. I wasted too much time on the weekends, getting distracted by computer games and fan stuff. It is not even that I get that much done on the fanstuff part. I do this, then I get up and clean the kitchen, then I abandon that to do something else, then I go back to the computer, but not to fanstuff, no I read some posts, then I remember the kitchen ...

Oh well, now I got to finish this presentation, write a term paper urgently and learn for an exam. The presentation is next wednesday, the paper needs to be handed in on the 30th, the exam is on the 1st July. I remember there is also an essay and an oral presentation for the week after the 1st July.

At least the weight loss is going fairly well. I have had no lapses so far, I eat what I want just in sensible measures with regards to the right distribution of proteins, carbonates and fat. I have now nearly lost 10 kgs.

What I really want to do is work on my existing fanlistings and after I re-model two, I want to apply for my favourite Farscape character, maybe my second favourite as well.

I also want to hunt down a beta-reader for my Bond/Le Chiffre Story and continue with my other fanfictions - does not really matter which as long as I get something done! Planning stuff in my head is good fun - it is just frustrating to get nothing done. Not to mention it is impossible to find reliable betas. I hope the fact that the Bond one is a slash story, I'll find someone.

Right now I am waiting for a fellow student, I need to give her back her book - but she is in a seminar and will catch up with me afterwards. It would not be so much of a problem, if I wasn`t so hungry. At least my next seminar will start quarter past five so I do not have to wait that long.

The exam begins at 3 p.m. I got only one chapter, a few pages and the longer essay of our professor to read (although that last bit, is just cross-reading for two bits of information).

Yeah, the fact that a bunch of soldiers is chatting in front of my windows is midly distracting. But I am in good mood. Hell, even the fact that the awful middleages professor has taken over the lecture did not bother me. As we do not have to pass the exam, so she can go on with her silly nitpicking fact reading and I can sleep through it. Not on purpose but she is excruciatingly boring, a natural sleeping pill ...

The really good news is, I have to hand in my paper on the 23rd this month (the other two a week later), so I do not have to finish it this weekend, I just hand it in on Monday in the mailbox and can pick up some more books for the other two seminars.

Okay, back to work ...

The .pdf with my paper is just being sent out.

Was in an interesting day ... so Tersha wanted to show up and despite all the stress I still wanted to see her, thinking I could finish the rest later.

She did not came alone, O was with her, with was not that much of a surprise, they got along famously these past days and it spared a lot of feeling bad for being busy all the time. They got a lot of bad jokes so far because nobody believed they were not an item. Until now that was true.

It was strange, not that they are not considerate friends, but this whole thing about wanting to invite me for an ice or pay my pizza for me, was kind of strange. Then O said they wanted me to be in a good mood. I asked if they got engaged or something ... they said they had not gone this far.

No need to feel anxious about me, I love the idea of them being together, alone for pure selfish reasons - but I think it is also great because they seemed so happy.

I just wish I had more time for me on this weekend, which will be over pretty soon as I need to get up early tomorrow. But I will watch one episode of "Friday the 13th" O was kind enough to bring the second season along. (He ordered each of us a DVD Set) I think I just get some shoes and check my car first.

Admittingly, I am bit stressed out - yet I have this very positive feeling that everything will turn out okay. There are some papers to hand in - but I got time. Even though not for much besides that. I am a little worried about the semester abroad - yet I hope some uni will accept me eventually, provided Prof. Broeck is so kind to sent me back my signed transcripts (that is all I am currently missing).

The dog and the three cats are grading on my nerves - they demand sooo much attention and I have not the nerve for that after being at school all day.

Yeah, school - I find it a tad bit boring, next week I hope I can give two of my four hours that I have to teach. Otherwise I am heading there four days this week and four next, then I got 36 hours and only need 24. As I have three weeks more to attend that should make it possible to only go there either 3 days for two weeks or two days for four weeks with 4 school hours per day. See - ample time for the report, the two papers for history, a speech analysis for linguistics.

This month I just have to finish a lesson preparation with more detail and material and should already find all the literature for the history papers! As my parents are gone this week, I use the chance to copy material on their copy-machine. Not that I am not allowed - but this way I do not have them hover about me. *lol*

And our online portal for registering and listing our exams and so forth, has already processed my sick note from the doc. So am still to go for my first attempt on the missed exam. Which is on the 18th March, one day after the Nightwish concert, which I now won't be attending. *sniff* Next album twice, then *lol*

Incredible, I passed!

w00t! I am so fucking high right now - that is sooo awesome!

I was soo nervous all day, then only half of the guys who failed the first try showed up, so we were 16. And just like last time, only one third passed the second try - and I still can not believe I am one of them!

I feel like break dancing or something *lol* Too bad I have a seminar tomorrow and then I have to write the essay till Monday. *eek* But today I can not concentrate anyway today - I am way too high.

It's not just because this was the most demanding module, it is because this might mean that I still can finish the bachelor in the given time.

So now it is official I totally failed the exam and need to go to the re-sit on the 12th. However my confidence at passing is drastically reduced by seeing that only 14 people passed, that is less than a third of those who participated.

Also, good that I did not bought any Nightwish cards for the 17th March, the other re-sit for the exam from Wednesday is on the next day.

I failed the exam, I could kick my ass - because it was not for lack of knowledge, but for being a completely stupid idiot and confusing two names. The first two questions were each 3 points, but I doubt I got full points on the first one, it was a bit vague and I was not too sure about what I should write. It is the last question with four points that broke my back. It was about Deiokes, king of the Meders and what did I do? Wrote about Dareios - I feel so mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake. I guess it's all that re-reading that names blurred into each others and the Dareios part was actually the last bit I had re-read and I kind of liked the essay as it was so easy to understand.

2nd try next weak.

From all the disappointment, my stomach felt woozy soon after and by now it is acting up again - oh well I still got my medicine. Just tomorrow and then I have the school time ahead which I can use to read, I don't need to write that much down, just plan a few lessons and give them. I think four .. that should be do able.

So I try to have a positive outlook, I am going to pass the second attempt, I know this shit, I read every text some even two times and I have made good notes. But I could kick my ass down the hall for making such a moronic mistake. *wails*

... but apparantly I passed the exam. I just found a note in our internal course website, that the date for the re-sit is the 29th and all those who have not passed have been informed.

I received no e-mail or other notification. So that should I mean I have passed.

It is in my nature to angst about the "prof" having made a mistake, forgot to include me in the e-mail or that the e-mail got lost ... but part of me feels so deleriously happy that I feel slightly nauseous!

This is one of the moments that feels almost to good to be true!

More good news would be that the "prof" in this course is also the one who will hold the lecture of the Middle Ages Modul that I have to repeat next semester. Which is such a relief, because the other prof and all her date learning and detail hopping without ever giving a true idea about the time she was talking about, nearly got me to change subjects. When in fact I do enjoy history and those seminars otherwise.

Early Modern and Ancients times are pure stress but sooo interesting at the same time! If I were rich, I would spent my entire life at the university and just learn ...

Okay, let me summarize (mostly for myself as a reminder but maybe someone on my f-list is a bit curious as well) my workload for this semester.
( cut due to the length of the list )

Okay, time to work on the plan for CBIS ....

I just took a look at the results from the linguistic exam and not only did I pass, I have have the highest number of points. After the horror with history this is such a nice change of tone.

Although I did learn for this exam, I learnt more for history - somehow the results are no relation to my efforts. Anyway, I'm happy beyond reason and can't believe it.

Oh well, I have to get dressed, I need more handkerchiefs for my still running nose.

Okay, I made it through all the exams, which leaves two lessons and one linguistic experiment to participate in. After that I will spent at least five days doing nothing but having fun.

After coming home, I played a bit Torment and now I'm already tired. I guess it's the flu and the fact that I sleep badly because of the dog and my nose. I'm already feeling a big headache coming, so I took two more power pain kilers.

Maybe I drop to bed right away after I come home tomorrow and then stay up late. Anyway I think I take Neverwhere along and read it.

Of course I failed the re-take - it's incredible what they expect you to memorize and learn in a short time when you already have thousands of other equally important things to do.

Have decided I will know look into the possibility to change subject and maybe switch to German as my second one. See if I could get credit points for my earlier years.

I did not really want to become a German teacher, but honestly I know I don't want to put up with that stupid history shit anymore. Those profs are all nuts, they always talk that the grand scheme is important but what you really need to do is now itsy bitsy little dates and names and honestly fuck that.

I so want to pass this exam, but with only two days time to prepare ... but I guess bitching about how unfair it is and that is senseless on top, won't help me.

Good news is, that I am quite good at memorising most of it. Proof in German aheaad (sorry)
( Everything in German sorry )

Okay, so far no notice about a delay, and worse I found out if I don't manage to pass this exam I fail for the entire modul. People are so excited about this and even the profs and teachers are thinking that this re-write date is made of epic fail.

German Medival History is after Third Reich my least favourite topic. If I have to repeat that it's certainly not good for my overall motiviation. At least this way I do not have to write another paper this break.

*brr*

Anyway, I'm focusing on the dates and important edicts, rules, laws , which are six, some have 4 and some have up to eight points I need to remember.

I'm this close to abandoning my principles and take a small piece with the dates and names with me. I mean I feel like an idiot for not taking out my folder and use it last wednesday, as a lot of people did. From a paedagogic point of view this is a total mess.

It should not be about passing some exams by learning once some dates and names from a piece of paper, but paying attention and get an overall grip. This will I will learn about six dates and what was written down and nothing else about those 150 years. Silly isn't it?

Then again the paper I don't have to write is about is just as silly, considering most of the paper depends on formalias as well. Not that those aren't important, but really half of the time will be spend on figuring out the correct way to write something down in the biography and how and when to cite inside the text. Which we talked about for the whole year, but of course I did not paid any attention, as most of it is written down and if I ever have a specific problem I am not going to remember anything useful for that from those tutorials. *sighs*

Okay, my lunch is nearly finished and I need to get back to my cards, I think I know already 1/3 and the other is a bit tubmled but I know most of it as well.

Of course I failed the history exam and I'm not sure that I'm going to pass on the next wednesday, especially since I'm not sure what I should learn and how ... I mean I know the basics and from what we learned in the introduction that should be enough, but now it's specific definition and dates and honestly I can't remember all that, especially not if there are several dozens of them. Sucks big time.

Not to mention I got the British social history exam and two presentations coming up, honestly although I paid attention during the seminars, I feel so unprepared and like running out of time.

So I got through the exam, I might even pass the first time ... but this semester will be over soo quickly and here is what I still need to do:

• ... THIS WEEK ...


• Edit my essay for tomorow


• Write one more test tomorrow


• Write my roleplay in class room methode description


• Find people to write the linguistic paper with


• Catch up with reading for Reading ELLC


• British Social History, prepare for the exam


• ... NEXT WEEK ...


• Do a presentation with my group for my paedagocis seminar


• Catch up with some reading for Didaktik lecture


• Learn for the linguistc exam


• For RELLC work on a presentation


• Again for RELLC, prepare for the exam/li>
  
• Write British Social History Essay


• Write second version of the essay


• ... LAST UNI WEEK ...


• Linguistics Exam


• Didaktik Exam


• RELLC Exam