Mistress Darkness

Wow how fast time passes. There is so much I wanted to do besides you know studying - but somehow with the flu and catching up I ended doing almost nothing. I guess I just need to focus for the remaining days.

I need to search for literature for my history term paper for my home university, I need to finish the final Essay for the Austen course, I need to work through the Foundation of Grammar terms to be able to write the test in week 10 and I also have a final exercise to hand in. Then one last assignment for Semantics in Week 10.

However, I want to work a bit on fanlistings and Maratofel as well. I guess, I go by a this for that system. For every real work I do, I do a bit of fun stuff.

Today, I start with cleaning up the place a bit, bringing away bottles to the recyling container, wash my laundry and also type up a few things, so I do not need to bring the papers back with me.

Well, I know I could have started working on this earlier and not spend so much time playing Civilization or working on my fanfiction and webstuff. However, I am not complaining about the assignment. Tastk 2 is actually something I can do very well and Task 1 should be managable.

As I have to print the out tomorrow at the IT centre - I thought I might book my flight with ryanair and print out my boarding pass (yes, I long to be home for soooo many reasons). What did I realise? For only 35 Euros or Pound (not sure which) I can take along a second piece of luggage with additional 15 kgs! Wow, so I guess I see how many cool stuff I get in the next two week and then I book my flight accordingly. That is too awesome and too cheap to ignore!

I just wonder if I will get any problem with the tax although I am not sure how that works for second hand books. But it uplifted me a bit in spirits. Sarah, the girl who lives opposite from me and also goes to my home uni in Germany, feels just like I do. We have to be here, the semester abroad is a must not a choice, we talk way too much German all around and we count the days till this experience although not regarded as a bad one by either of us is over.

Which reminds me 44 days left. In 44 days at this hour I will lie in my awesome bed which is not too soft, not too hard, has no feather sticking out, is not lumpy, does have really soft covers, with an inviting pillow that is not flat and constantly falls into the space between matress and headboard.

If not for the time pressure regarding the work load and assignment, the dumb cold that prevents me from going to the gym to exercise I would actually be rather content. I guess the latter bothers me the most. As I feel drawn to my super awesome ice-cream. NOw I will finish task 2 of my assignment and then make another layout for maratofel.net on which I worked way too long today already.

... and got myself a pizza, the event was fairly expensive as I also needed grated cheese to avoid the thing becoming an oversized cracker. However, ordering one would have been even more expensive.

I cannot wait till I am back home. I just have to try and not eat everything good I missed at once. Like a real pizza, this one was barely adequate but at least it stopped my kraving for the time being.

Otherwise I am a bit behind with my assignments, mainly the paper I have to end in at the end of this month :( But it is not something complicated to write just time consuming.

Now that I have solved my not so urgent problems, I might have time to finish it. What are my not so urgent problems? Well, I need to figure out what to do about my extra weight when I travel back in December. I still want to go to the second hand book shops and see what I can find and that will amount to tons of extra weight. Especiall considering the orders I made via amazon.co.uk so far.

I bought two Games equaling 2 ordinary DVD cases with one single DVD, the Ultimate Bourne Colleciton three ordinary DVD cases with one DVD. I got the three Sidney Sheldon books from ASDA, then there are the Austen books I brought with me (those alone weigh 1,2 kgs) and I ordered more today: 2 old movies and the Bloodties DVD set. Althoughn if they still can get it another movie. It is free of charge but of course I do have to think about the extra weight. If I take 2 kgs more with me I am over the limit and I can only store it in my hand luggage to begin with. *sighs*

But then again I also leave something things behind and if necessary even the big 1 kg towel. I guess maybe I do not need to sent a package - but if I do, then I will only if I have over 2 kgs otherwise I just pay the extra fee at ryan air and have it all with me. It is not that bad here, but I guess that I think about the day I return constantly is a sign that I am not that amazed (except maybe by the no delivery charge from amazon ;)

I handed in my essay and the paper on time - I think the essay even turned out rather good.

Sunday I am going to meet Tersha, and tomorrow I am going to relax.

Monday I have to drive my parents to the airport and then I have to take care of the dog. Not to bad, gives me are more relaxed enviroment to manage my time in between working on what I want to - fanstuff and what I do not want to - my history term paper.

I think I conclude the evening by extensively playing Torment, one of the most awesome computer games ever made!

idolizer I miss you! Hope you have a good time, but I will be glad when you are back and online. I guess now I know how it is when I abstain from posting for longer. Internet presence is not just a term - you actually feel it if a person is online regularly.

In a few minutes my "weekend"-seminar should start. I am in no mood for it but I need the credits. I would prefer to continue working on my term paper but instead I will be sitting here today and also tomorrow.

Got a major reprieve today in the Russian history seminar - those excerpts we have to hand in for the texts we read have gotten an extended deadline. 30th September!

My biggest problem is the source work for the term paper - but I guess I will cross check with my German translation - the old English writing is not only hard to decipher the priting is shitty as it is reproduction of the original! I probably have to scan in some parts, so you might end up seeing a pic and see it for yourself.

But I got a good feeling about this paper. I am going to pass!

... but no need. The University of Sussex is just like any other Uni I have heard about. If they mean they will sent info in June, it never refers to the beginning of the month *lol*

Just saw the e-mail that the stuff is on the way. *isexcited*

More good news are, I have to hand in my reading journal and essay for the Language Acquisition on the 15th, the reflective essay is due at the end of July and so is my oral presentation (definite date the 23rd July).

The only immediate source of trouble is the term paper for my early modern times module and the middleages exam on the 1st July. More of a minor annoyance is the English listening comprehension test on the following weekend. Not going to do anything about that one, I listen to so many English movies and tv-shows I should have no problem with Cambridge English.

Thinking about the fact that there is no dog at home to be taken care off, I feel incredibly motivated to get my shit together and spend the entire weekend with productive stuff.

Hell, at the moment I feel so positive all the time, that I feel almost bad about it. Yesterday I had the worst cravings for chips and what did I do about it? Succesfully passed up my favourite chips in the world for radish (Radieschen)! *lol* I went to Penny with every intention to buy junk food (Smurf winegummies came to mind, too) and all I ended up with was some Schwip Schwap ohne Zucker (the pepsi version of Mezzo Mix Zero), radish, carrots with green stuff for the rabbits, a cheap tupperware like box for toast (always wanted some) and fruits (Nektarinen - no clue what the English word is).

I also realised that I can take off Tuesday and Wednesday morning to learn more for the exam - hell no parents who would complain. Just me a mature adult making the decision to use time I am allowed to miss productively to achieve a goal. The only drawback is this stupid seminar Thursday evenign and Friday from 10 a.m. till 4 p.m. Hopefully I can take some stuff along that I can do - although I fear it will be very activity based.

My biggest problem is my time management. It simply sucks. I wasted too much time on the weekends, getting distracted by computer games and fan stuff. It is not even that I get that much done on the fanstuff part. I do this, then I get up and clean the kitchen, then I abandon that to do something else, then I go back to the computer, but not to fanstuff, no I read some posts, then I remember the kitchen ...

Oh well, now I got to finish this presentation, write a term paper urgently and learn for an exam. The presentation is next wednesday, the paper needs to be handed in on the 30th, the exam is on the 1st July. I remember there is also an essay and an oral presentation for the week after the 1st July.

At least the weight loss is going fairly well. I have had no lapses so far, I eat what I want just in sensible measures with regards to the right distribution of proteins, carbonates and fat. I have now nearly lost 10 kgs.

What I really want to do is work on my existing fanlistings and after I re-model two, I want to apply for my favourite Farscape character, maybe my second favourite as well.

I also want to hunt down a beta-reader for my Bond/Le Chiffre Story and continue with my other fanfictions - does not really matter which as long as I get something done! Planning stuff in my head is good fun - it is just frustrating to get nothing done. Not to mention it is impossible to find reliable betas. I hope the fact that the Bond one is a slash story, I'll find someone.

Right now I am waiting for a fellow student, I need to give her back her book - but she is in a seminar and will catch up with me afterwards. It would not be so much of a problem, if I wasn`t so hungry. At least my next seminar will start quarter past five so I do not have to wait that long.

We got the results of the exam last week and I passed. Now I just need to focus on the other exam regarding the medieval seminar. Still lots of stuff to do and read, worst of all is the damn paper I now I really need to work on, I have to hand it in on the 30th May and I can not fail.

Means I really have to get my shit together and not let myself be distracted too much with fanstuff, just a little bit to keep going. If I do not do anything fannish at all, I wither and die mentally.

2,5 hours ... well not really I still have to drive home. Luckily next week I got only the first seminar so I can go home early instead of hanging out form 12:45 till 17:15 waiting till "Theatre of the Absurd" begins.

At least I got some sleep and copied the entire texts for the Moskau seminar. I just need to prep the papers a bit and maybe re-work one of the texts which is almost impossible to read and then I can bind it in the copy shop! *yeah* no more collecting papers.

I also gathered some info for the next in-class talk - all the materials we were supposed to get from the library are taken. Typical for our lectors and profs not to put them on hold for the duration of the semester. I will have to e-mail him later about it. The guy I was supposed to meet did not show up at the library.

Although, I am so fat, I think I gained at least 10 pounds to my already considerable weight. I look so hideous. Not just the fat, I have not taken care of myself lately. I need to change that. Yesterday I eat way too much, but I needed the last big meal to be able to sleep. Full stomach always works as a knock-out bomb. I slept almost 6 hours before I spend the last two hours tossing and turning.

But I feel better - so maybe I can start to exercise a bit again. haha, but not today - I want my bed ...

edit to add: I did not get the Barbossa fanlisting, not much of a surprise and hardly a reason to feel sad, with three wishlister approvals lately, still I hated to find out about it by seeing the moved post.


Now, also if you see this and got a spare minute, please click on my dragons, new eggs are out and I am really low on clicks.

Not really sure if I am happy about the new weather. I guess I have to adjust to it. Yeah long time an no update.

So my birthday party was rather cool. We watched Wild Hogs and had much fun (ate pizza and so while watching) then we continued with Blade the Series. I was right in my assumption that they would like it. It's on a totally different level than the movies. I was a bit surprised about O hating the villain so much, but then again he said, that is what it is supposed to be. I guess with me nearly always liking the villain more than the hero, I completely forgot. Did not tell him though that he will survive the entire series *haha*

Next morning we consumed more unhealthy junk and then watched a few episodes of Reaper before I had to drive home for the family raclette. That was nice too, I just felt soo stuffed. I relaxed the next day and just did funstuff (mostly for fanlsitings). The rest of the weekend my circulation went crazy, thanks to the weather. So instead of having lots of time to prepare my in-class talk on Tuesday I had almost none. Still, I managed (although less than agreeable in my view) and now we have Wednesday.

Lessons from 10 a.m. till 9 p.m. , which means getting up at 8 a.m. to catcht he train at 9:08 a.m. train back is at 9:28 p.m. - so I will be home shortly after ten. Right now I got free time, from 3 p.m. till 5 p.m. and used part of it to copy more materials in the library (the air in that room is awful, hot, stinky and little oxygen). Now I am sitting in the main building for humanities and will have to read another text for the next course.

I post my schedule in table form later this week. I just wanted to update before I forget.

The exam begins at 3 p.m. I got only one chapter, a few pages and the longer essay of our professor to read (although that last bit, is just cross-reading for two bits of information).

Yeah, the fact that a bunch of soldiers is chatting in front of my windows is midly distracting. But I am in good mood. Hell, even the fact that the awful middleages professor has taken over the lecture did not bother me. As we do not have to pass the exam, so she can go on with her silly nitpicking fact reading and I can sleep through it. Not on purpose but she is excruciatingly boring, a natural sleeping pill ...

The really good news is, I have to hand in my paper on the 23rd this month (the other two a week later), so I do not have to finish it this weekend, I just hand it in on Monday in the mailbox and can pick up some more books for the other two seminars.

Okay, back to work ...

I was so upset about not being able to go to the Nightwish concert today, about being behind with the paper and learning stress. Hell, even the car would have been available ... and now I do not mind.

I got accepted! To the University at Sussex - so I am all set up for the semester abroad at the end of this year. *woot*

So I gave my second lesson today and despite having a major headache it went rather well. Now I just need to write it down for the paper. I am a bit short on time - so it probably fit in rather nice that my other teacher companion was sick and I could go home earlier.

I will make something to eat, take two aspring (I am already loaded with ibuprofen) and go to sleep. Hopefully I get up before 6 p.m. so I can work on that paper.

BTW bad me could not resist a wishlister which was up for application. I do not think I will get it, nonetheless I had to try.

Ever since I got the approval for the Dolph Lundgren fanlisting adoption I hit a big blank when it came to an idea for a new exciting layout. The flu did not help at all (especially as they came around the same time).

Today, I had an idea and if I was not so tired and had an urgent project for the university to finish, I would work on it till Midnight. Instead I am going to bed, then when I get up - I will start to work on the paper which I have to sent off on Sunday. Then shortly before the day is over I'll pack my stuff for an annoying day at school.

I have to leave shortly before seven. At least I am going to catch up on some sleep right now.

Hmm I got the flu (yes again!) I am using up more hankerchiefs since sunday as in the rest of the month. Nonetheless, I went to the airport on sunday and brought my parents home. They are actually suprisingly nice, despite the fact that the dog shitted all over the house (I had expected them to blame this on me and assume I did not went out enough, which I did ....)

Also, our cat Lotti, got a big splinter in her eye in the night before they returned and again, suprisingly no blame was placed on me (being the one that let her out and not running around till 3 a.m. sick and trying to get her to come back in). Maybe my parents begin to grow up.

The bad news is, that Lotti's eye was damaged and if it does not repair itself with the help of the ointment she is getting, she will lose it. :( I know it is silly but I really wish I had not let her out - but you can not keep a pet locked up that wants to be outside.

Won't go to school today, or tomorrow, probably not even Wednesday. Oh well I hope tomorrow I feel better to write a few important e-mails for my term papers - I need to locate sources. *sighs*

Admittingly, I am bit stressed out - yet I have this very positive feeling that everything will turn out okay. There are some papers to hand in - but I got time. Even though not for much besides that. I am a little worried about the semester abroad - yet I hope some uni will accept me eventually, provided Prof. Broeck is so kind to sent me back my signed transcripts (that is all I am currently missing).

The dog and the three cats are grading on my nerves - they demand sooo much attention and I have not the nerve for that after being at school all day.

Yeah, school - I find it a tad bit boring, next week I hope I can give two of my four hours that I have to teach. Otherwise I am heading there four days this week and four next, then I got 36 hours and only need 24. As I have three weeks more to attend that should make it possible to only go there either 3 days for two weeks or two days for four weeks with 4 school hours per day. See - ample time for the report, the two papers for history, a speech analysis for linguistics.

This month I just have to finish a lesson preparation with more detail and material and should already find all the literature for the history papers! As my parents are gone this week, I use the chance to copy material on their copy-machine. Not that I am not allowed - but this way I do not have them hover about me. *lol*

And our online portal for registering and listing our exams and so forth, has already processed my sick note from the doc. So am still to go for my first attempt on the missed exam. Which is on the 18th March, one day after the Nightwish concert, which I now won't be attending. *sniff* Next album twice, then *lol*

Incredible, I passed!

w00t! I am so fucking high right now - that is sooo awesome!

I was soo nervous all day, then only half of the guys who failed the first try showed up, so we were 16. And just like last time, only one third passed the second try - and I still can not believe I am one of them!

I feel like break dancing or something *lol* Too bad I have a seminar tomorrow and then I have to write the essay till Monday. *eek* But today I can not concentrate anyway today - I am way too high.

It's not just because this was the most demanding module, it is because this might mean that I still can finish the bachelor in the given time.

So now it is official I totally failed the exam and need to go to the re-sit on the 12th. However my confidence at passing is drastically reduced by seeing that only 14 people passed, that is less than a third of those who participated.

Also, good that I did not bought any Nightwish cards for the 17th March, the other re-sit for the exam from Wednesday is on the next day.

I failed the exam, I could kick my ass - because it was not for lack of knowledge, but for being a completely stupid idiot and confusing two names. The first two questions were each 3 points, but I doubt I got full points on the first one, it was a bit vague and I was not too sure about what I should write. It is the last question with four points that broke my back. It was about Deiokes, king of the Meders and what did I do? Wrote about Dareios - I feel so mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake. I guess it's all that re-reading that names blurred into each others and the Dareios part was actually the last bit I had re-read and I kind of liked the essay as it was so easy to understand.

2nd try next weak.

From all the disappointment, my stomach felt woozy soon after and by now it is acting up again - oh well I still got my medicine. Just tomorrow and then I have the school time ahead which I can use to read, I don't need to write that much down, just plan a few lessons and give them. I think four .. that should be do able.

So I try to have a positive outlook, I am going to pass the second attempt, I know this shit, I read every text some even two times and I have made good notes. But I could kick my ass down the hall for making such a moronic mistake. *wails*

I tried to post this yesterday, and as I am lazy, I just backpost the draft:

It seems I got the stomach flu, I already felt sick during the last days, but I thought it might have been just a migraine (awful headache and nausea) - yesterday I thought it was because I had kept myself awake with too much Pepsi and today ... oh well let me put it in a not so disgusting way, I found myself fleeing to the toilet several time.

Now I am at the uni, and I try to make it through, but if it does not get better till tomorrow, I am off to the doc and I am going to get myself a document that I am sick - I already have the feeling my profs are going to hate me for it.

But I hope it might just be a temporary temper tandrum of my digestive system and that I am going to feel just fine tomorrow. But I still got an awful lot to do ...

I feel somewhat undignified.