Mistress Darkness

I'm still sitting at the uni, despite my tutorium being over, but I wouldnot have caught the train anyway, so I decided to spend some time with my notebook.

Rediscovered one of my favourite songs, who is not available on any CD last time I looked on youtube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUHJLcnh8nc

I think listening to it, inspired a really cool dream, which I already worked over into a concept for a story, not sure what it will be. A romance? A thriller? Horror?

Features a guy who has been screwed up in a medical experiment and who has traits of both vampire and werewolf, but is actually neither. But I thought I start where the dream begins, him being in a realtively nice enviroment, between two women, one that he desires and one that is his "wife". The later insist that he needs her, but he distrust her and does not like her, he remembers only part of what happened to him and has no clue anymore what he can be capable off ...

I think it's the first story, where actually the guy is the main protagonists, although of course one of the girls will also be very, very important. Guess which one?

Oh well time to pack the notebook and head to the restrooms ...

The day started with me waking up from a really cool dream, I don't remember all the details, but it was awesome.

In the dream (which started at my home just with a different family) was about me, being visited by some vampire lord who lived in a castle not far from our house. It was obviously somewhat in the past, as there were no phones etc, despite it being the house from the looks and layout. My family were obviously vampire hunters and saved me.
Dream I and myself seemed to agree that the vampire was the better choice compared to the family she was staying with and the vampire and my dreamself developed a plan and faked the vampire's demise.
Then we moved in his castle and from there we planned to get rid of my dreamselves family. Naturally I woke up as things were set into motionn, but it set my mood for the day.

Still, the seminar has too many weak spots to truly exite me. I wish the girl who is giving it would not always wait so long for someone to answer. Oh well ...

... the tutorials are so boring and the history seminars in a way, too. The first one about Marc Aurel is kind of cool, but has it's drawn out moments, the second one seems to consist of these moments. It's annoying to wait for the teacher to go on, sometimes they ask questions and you got no clue what they want. Sometimes it is something abstract, sometimes it is something very obvious (so obvious that you feel stupid for saying it). But they wait and wait ...

Oh well, my stomach demands food and the only thing that keeps me from falling asleep.I hope I can get off early and catch the early train. But I am afraid more waiting lies ahead.

Yesterday I was fully aware of the fact that we have now winter time ... but I forgot to actually change the time on my clocks.

I got up early today and spend some time working on the computer, then however I decided to fetch some breakfast and after that I felt a bit tired ... so just dozed a bit on the sofa. My computer turned off and I looked at the digital clock behind it. I saw it was time to leave. So I quickly put on all my stuff, got to the train, arrived very early in the classroom, turned on my notebook and saw the real time. *sighs*

I went off one hour too early. *headesk* Sometimes I am sooo dumb.

If that wasn't bad enough, my throat hurts from acid reflux and I haven't taken the meds with me. I suppose as soon as the tutorial is over (I already completed the first seminar "Marc Aurel") I will see if the shop is still open and get something to eat that hopefully helps with the icky and uncomfortable feeling in my throat.

Note to myself: Sew that new handbag and put your meds in, stupid bint!

Today, I get up early, being a good girl, after having spend most of my free time doing homework. What do I get for it? I arrive and have to discover that the lecture is cancelled because the woman giving it is sick. Great, now I have to, sit around here and wait till 1 a.m. when my next lesson starts.

Oh well at least, I brought my notebook, while typing is a pain in the ass with that fucked up touchpad (if I have to work more often with it, I might even end up making a new hatelisting) constantly making the cursor jump while I am typing. But at least I can do something. Wished however that I brought one of the books I have to read. Too bad, we don't have lockers, so I can bring a keyboard and keep it here.

... not the ideal basis for a nice day at the uni. However I just found my ibuprofen, so maybe it will get better.

Normally I have later, but I got to see a certain teacher about missing grades for the module and so I have to show up with all the assignments and prove that I did do them.

Then I have two hours to spare, where I will copy stuff in the library and then I have my seminars. I don't really feel like it, but I go there by car, so hopefully, I get home early. Now I just need to check upon the rooms.

Unless, I overlooked something I will take part in the following courses:

Monday
15:00 - 18:00	Marc Aurel (seminar part of my "ancient world" modul)
18:00 - 21:00	Krieg der Worte: Feindbilder im Europa der Frühen Neuzeit War of the Words: Concepts of the Enemy in Europe in early modern times (seminar part of my "european history" modul)
Tuesday
15:00-17:00	Democratic Thought through Language (Part of the "Democratic Thought" Modul*)
17:00-19:00	Content-based Integrated Skills 1f
Wednesday
8:00-10:00	Englischunterricht: Konzeptionen und Grundlagen
Thursday
10:00-12:00	Internationale Beziehungen im 17. Jahrhundert International Relationships in the 17th Century (lecture part of my "european history" modul)
13:00-15:00	Alleinherschaft im Altertum Autarchy in the ancient world (lecture part of my "ancient world" modul)
15:00-17:00	Slavery and Writing (winter part of a modul~)
Friday
15:00-17:00	Content-based Integrated Skills 2f
17:00-19:00	Democratic Thought through Literature (Part of the "Democratic Thought" Modul*)

~I have to take another course in the summer semester 2009 to complete this modul
* I need to take a third seminar in the summer semester 2009 to complete this modul

Somehow Wednesday sticks out in an annoying way, but at least it is the only course for the day!
I'm so happy that I got the Content-based Intergrated Skills Course I wanted. The only other course I could have taken would have been with Mr. Hyde, and while he has cute accent, I've begun to suspect that he is some sort of fundie and one of the courses would have been Friday at 8 a.m. and that would have sucked.

I've been reading a lot and ordered some books in the past days, all for the university.

One of the seminars I plan to participate in is called "Slavery in Writing". There are we reading six "books" :

"The History of Mary Prince" by Mary Prince
"Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" by Frederick Douglass
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" by Harriet Becher Stowe
"The Sugar Wife" Elizabeth Kuti
"Lose Your Mother: A Journey Along the Atlantic Slave Route" Saidiya Hartman
"A Harlot's Progress" by David Dabydeen

For another seminar we are reading three books I always wanted to read, and one I already owned:

"The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood
"1984" by George Orwell
"Animal Farm" by George Orwell

And just for myself I re-read yesterday the first Skulduggery Pleasant Novel and afterwards finally the second one. I was not disappointed, it is easy, fast and funny.

Online I'm still busy re-vamping fanlistings, creating an icon archive for all kinds of vampire and werewolf icons, as well as making buttons (slowly)

I did re-vamped the [+]Agents (Matrix Series) fanlisting with two new skins and some extras. And finally made codes for Starbuck,Stephanie Edgley and the Gotham City fanlisting.

Incidentally I almost went back on track with the Matrix fanfic, but talking to Tersha and watching Criminal Minds with her, got us an idea for another fanfic. A Criminal Minds one, oh well let's see how that will turn out. But now time for something nice to eat.

I fell asleep, dreamt that I had to sign up for my history classes which I totally forgot to do and guess what? I woke up, ran to the PC and got one of the last two free places in the Marc Aurel one and also in the other PS ...

How strange that a dream should help me remember such important things.

As the school I'm currently attending to observe and eventually take over a few lessons, has a new timetable, and to stay with the class that I was supposed to teach, I had to get up at 5 a.m. Worst of all, I took my notebook along so I could spend the time from 7 a.m. till 7.45 a.m. catching up with a few things ... unfortunately the school opened only at half past after seven, so I took it along in vain.

Being so pissed I doubt I took my much along from the the two double lessons I attended. At least I could leave a few minutes early and caught my train just like that so I had not to wait an extra hour for the next one. My lunch was also ready and just needed to be heated up, so right now I'm unsure whether to go to bed and make up for the lack of sleep (I tried to go early but did not fall asleep till 2:30 a.m. ...)

Or if I should begin to type what I have written so far about The Dark Knight. Oh, yes, I will write a more detailed review and post it here and maybe my homepage as well.

seriously they got a new time schedule for classes at the school I am currently ... new times suck plenty, now I have to get up 5 a.m. or strech everything out over the next four weeks and travel 5 hours to get 1,5 hours of lessons. I'm so pissed off. This time I really, really feel like I am just wasting my time.

The techniques of the teacher aren't very diverse, as the classes I go to are either super interested or so desintrested that nothing works anyway. The most enlighting fact will probably be the talk I'm going to have with the teachers on how they established that kind of co-operation with their pupils. And it probably results greatly from the fact that they have been with this class for nearly four years.

At least I could spent some time to work on my more detailed review of "The Dark Knight" where I am going to let out everything that bothered me, except maybe for a few tiny details that I don't recall or feel are too unimportant.

Also I want pizza, I don't care how expensive it is, in two hours I am going to take the car and drive into town and get me an extra large pizza with extra cheese!

Today I only had two lessons, but my timetable is filling up. I can't help but compare this new school to the one I went for the last "work experience". Not that this school is much worse or so, but more inconvenient for me.

The old school was two minutes away from the main station. I would get the train at 7:08 a.m. and be there 7:30 a.m. unless I wanted to stop by the baker or the grocery store. Either way, I made it in time for the first lesson at 7:50 a.m.

The new school starts at 7:45 a.m. which would not be that bad, except that taking the train (there are two but arrive around the same time, namely every hour at 28 minutes. The fastest I reached the school was directly on the hour. Which means if I wanted to start early, I would have to take the 6:08 a.m. train and then wait out front till school opens ...

Luckily I do not have to. I come to the third hour, starting at 9:40, it's still an awful long wait and waste of time, but at least I don't have to get up at an insane hour of the day. Of course I lose just as much time on the way home. And that spoils the fun somehow.

The next bigger complain is that the teachers are less open to us stopping by them. Two English teachers said right away, they would prefer if I would not come to them, because they either had so many students/assistants visiting last year or currently. A lot of English lessons are in the first two hours. Others are like, yeah you can come, but please not so many hours. *sighs*

Next Tuesday I will stay very long at the school, some younger English teacher who was the only one excited about me coming to the lesson, has afternoon lessons. She says we could work together and maybe split the class into to groups. That should be cool and provide me with a lot of teaching experience.

I'll admit I'm a bit nervous about the teaching myself, because I always thing, what if they totally go nuts and I can't get them to sit down and work? I mean I do not have power, like giving bad grades, calling them on bad social behaviour and I hate yelling. Maybe I should search for that old whistle I used to have. Very painful for young ears :D

But the 10th grade I was in today, was pretty awesome, their English is much better than anything I have seen when I was in that grade. Maybe I will have the chance to teach them as well. The other one I think is an 8th grade. *gg*

Tomorrow I go to Art and to English in a 6th grade class. Should be interesting, the teacher was really nice, although she also did not want me around too much. Maybe next time around I can go to the first school again.

Honestly, everything went great and I had to screw it up.

I should have paid my fee for the university till the 15th August, but I somehow thought I had till the 25th! Now if I'm unlucky I will face exmatriculation and due to the nature of my studies will lose an entire year.

I know jumping of a building is no solution, but I certainly feel like it. I'm crying, my stomach hurts more badly than ever and I feel so down, I can't put in words. All my own stupidity.

Wish me luck, that somehow I can get around this, that there is some time frame where I can still get back in.

... how I hate that song now, it should be more like, the summer sucks ...

Anyway, today we need to finish the paper and it's going slowly, but already did so a lot and hope that I don't have to write the last missing steps, too.

Got a birthday present today, a late gift that mom forgot to gave me, hmm 4 month ago ;) It's a cute little address book, with a birdthay register and other funny stuff.

I hope that despite the weather I get myself to do some of the following:

• Clean up the room a bit (just a bit)
  
• Make a few more icons
  
• Write a bit on any of my ongoing fanfics
  
• Work a bit more on fanlistings
  
• Collect a sample of my rabbit's droppings for the vet
  
• Eat something
  
• Add a few more DVDs to my mediashelf
  
• Maybe even work a tiny bit on Jamballa (which is still on hiatus)
  
• .....
  

I just took a look at the results from the linguistic exam and not only did I pass, I have have the highest number of points. After the horror with history this is such a nice change of tone.

Although I did learn for this exam, I learnt more for history - somehow the results are no relation to my efforts. Anyway, I'm happy beyond reason and can't believe it.

Oh well, I have to get dressed, I need more handkerchiefs for my still running nose.

I thought I would feel better than yesterday when I would wake up this morning. Turns out I feel worse, and a lot. Decided with reluctancy to skip my last day at the uni. One of these days I still need to go and bring by an envelope for Logie Barrow, my British Social History Prof, but I loved to be there on the last lesson. He was my absolute favourite, and I adored listening to him, but this was his last teaching semester. In two years he's going to retire ...

To add to how miserable I feel, I dreamt of my grandmother, woke up and cried. As if wasn't already running out of tissues. At least shortly I need to leave the ho use and by new tempos (this time super soft with balming on top, my nose looks terrible) and some yoghurts, as I do not feel like eating much of anything.

But dutifully I went out with the dog, feed the cats and later the dog will get his meal and I will return to bed, wondering how often I have to throw Shiva out. Yes, whenever I fell asleep she would jump into bed with me. In a way it is cute, but I'm too much single to tolerate anyone beside me. On the other hand maybe I should take it as a test for the future and then snicker at my parents confusion when the dog does that with them *lol*

You know for the time being my parents keep her at night in their room, but in a small 1m x 1m toddler play pen *rollseyes* She has developed a foot fetish for me, she always tries to lick my feet.

The flu became worse, now it's my throat and I've got temperature. And two exams this evening *yeah* I'm inclined to go to the doctor's office instead. But I don't want to have to wait for the re-write takes.

And Shiva bit through my precious www-cable and I had to drive out and get a new one. I'm going to make my parents pay for it though. It's their dog.

Enough complaning, I got to put some quotes together for the first exam this evening.

I did a lot of thinking about my uni problems with history and combined with the flu I aparantly got (typical for me, hot summer and I got a running nose) I hardly slept last night.

At least I got the idea for my essay on wednesday. We are supposed to take one chapter of Tysons critical analysis (each chapter deals with a different kind of criticism, like Marxist, Female, Psychoanalytic) etc. and we should roughly discribe one and apply it to the Great Gatsby.
Best if we find quotes not yet used by Tyson or if we are more radical. I think I found a very radical way to apply Feminist Criticism to The Great Gatsby. I so desperately want a very good grate for this course.

Right now I have to go and fetch Shiva from the vet, she had minor surgery for her teeth. Something with one tooth of her first set not coming out properly or so. More work for me, as I apparantly have to massage it or something. *yeah* [/sarcasm]

off I go ...

Hmm I have this collector gene and just while I was browsing through booklookers offerings, I found an offering for a book series (not really books, what we call "Groschenromane") that usually costs five time as much and it's nearly complete - I guess depending on the state of the individual issues, I might spend the money, even though that means no extra goodies for the next months.

And the name of the series is "Geisterjäger John Sinclair" Geisterjäger means Ghostbuster, except that those issues weren't under the official label yet, but were published in another series and were so successful that they got their own, with over 1200 issues and nearly 300 paperbacks, a spin-off movie, audioplays etc. etc.

But in my opinion the whole series has gone down hill, ever since it became more popular. More teens read it and some idiot got the notion it should be made more kids friendly. A kid friendly horror series *rollseyes* So I don't really have an interest in the newer editions, I think I'll stop at 950 (meaning I will sell those few issues I have bought afterwards and find out where the books stopped - there is a time line that needs to be paid attention to and important stuff happens in both medias, so ...)

Oh well one and a half lecutre and I'm done with linguistic preparation (after that it is just a bit of memorising the more difficult definitions.)

Of course I failed the re-take - it's incredible what they expect you to memorize and learn in a short time when you already have thousands of other equally important things to do.

Have decided I will know look into the possibility to change subject and maybe switch to German as my second one. See if I could get credit points for my earlier years.

I did not really want to become a German teacher, but honestly I know I don't want to put up with that stupid history shit anymore. Those profs are all nuts, they always talk that the grand scheme is important but what you really need to do is now itsy bitsy little dates and names and honestly fuck that.